“Yesss. I forgot about that one! Such a good one. And isn’t it crazy how expensive the commercials are? Imagine if you had that kind of money… what would you do with it?” He phrases it as a question, but he doesn’t wait for my answer as he starts detailing what he would do. As he rambles, I wonder what I wouldactuallydo if I had that crazy amount of money. The military isn’t a lucrative career, most people leave before they rise in ranks. I’m planning on leaving at some point, maybe when I hit ten years. That way I can have that on my resume and maybe it’ll help me get a job. A nice house, definitely a dog, but there’s not really much else I want.
Lies.The word echoes in my brain and I refuse to acknowledge the truth of wanting something I can’t have. I pack the word down and tuck it back into the nook that it popped out of unbidden.
“I would get a dog, probably a great dane or something big. I’d probably sit on a small dog, and I don’t think I want a cat either.” I say in a small moment of quiet.
“That makes sense,” he says easily and I cut my eyes over at him.
“What does that mean?” I quirk an eyebrow at him and catch his eyes in the rearview mirror.
“Look at you, dude. You’re huge. You’re definitely the stereotypical big dog owner. I can’t fault you for it, though. Little dogs can be mean. My aunt has a chihuahua and that thing is vicious. Will bite anyone, except my aunt. That dog thinks she hung the moon.”
The dust starts kicking up worse behind us and I slow down. Connor groans beside me, flicking his wrist over to check the time. He looks down at his watch and then back at me.
“I’m not trying to rush you, but can you push the pedal a little more? I don’t want to miss the pregame show.” He rolls his window down and sticks his fingers out, catching the dry breeze on them.
“We’ll be back in plenty of time, quit worrying.” I brush off his concerns, going out to our turnaround point. “Scan the area and make sure we don’t see anything then we can go back.”
He does as I say, grabbing a pair of binoculars and handing me the other. I scan the skyline, seeing nothing for miles except red dirt and blue sky.
“I think we’re all good,” he says, stowing away his binoculars and reaching for mine. I do one last sweep just to be sure we didn’t miss anything, even a small misstep out here can mean life or death.
“Let’s go back.”
The ride back is silent, the rattle of equipment in the back keeping us company as we make the trek across the rocky terrain.
“Where do you think we’ll go next?” Connor asks after we get parked and while we’re double checking our gear.
“Hopefully somewhere with grass. I could go the rest of my life without seeing red dirt and it’ll be way too soon.”
“Agreed,” he hums, taking off in a brisk walk back to the camp. He already has his shirt untucked and he’s rolling his shoulders and stretching out the tense muscles. I do the same, twisting my hips and leaning from side to side. The muscles I’ve put on limit my mobility for bending and stretching, and I’m sure if Raiden could see me now, he would be putting me through rigorous stretching exercises.
The scrimmage is fun, the most fun I’ve had in a while. Passing, dodging, catching, laughing with my team. Watching as everyone lets loose for the first time in the long three months we’ve been stationed here. We’ll be packing up and moving out soon, but getting to enjoy this time is something that I never thought I would get to experience. I always told myself I would do my time and get out. But the friendships I’ve made along the way are going to make that hard. I can’t imagine leaving one of these guys behind for any reason. Earlier today I told myself ten years, but what’s waiting for me outside of this?
Nothing. That’s what’s waiting for me.
A new sort of calm wafts over me, the decision taken out of my hands before it was even truly given to me. There’s nothing to take me away from this, from making this into my career. I thought I might have a chance at reconciling with Raiden, but he’s made it clear he won’t be waiting for me to come home anytime soon.
“Heads up,” Hollis yells, and I focus back on the game in front of me, catching the ball and maneuvering my way down the field. Ace steps in my way, intending to block me, and I push past him, keeping the ball and the rag tucked in the side of my shorts out of the way so he can’t grab either.
When I make it into the endzone, my teammates cheer, even the ones on the losing team.
We wash up and have a quick dinner before allcongregating in front of the small TV in our Commander’s tent. He glares at us as we enter, but as soon as we’re all here, he lightens up and sits down on the hard ground with us, nothing except a thin piece of plastic material keeping us separated from the hard dirt.
By halftime, the guys have secured the bets for who they think is going to win. I don’t partake, just content to sit here and watch them as they haggle over chores and jobs they don’t want to do.
The performer is announced, and the guys disperse to entertain themselves until the halftime show is over. I stay rooted to my spot, watching as the singer comes on stage. She’s a pretty woman, and her voice is beautiful as she hits the first note of her song. It’s something I’ve heard on the radio, I’m sure of it. She goes through a few of the popular ones, some I recognize and a few I don’t but they sound catchy enough.
The lights dim on the stage, only the lights from people’s phones lighting up the arena. A ray of pink light hits the stage, the glow emanating the person standing in the center of it. It’s not the woman anymore. I watch in awe as the dancer’s body moves, the ebb and flow of their limbs as they become one with the melancholy notes radiating across the stadium, stunning everyone into silence, including me.
The woman starts singing again. A slow, sad, love ballad talking about breaking hearts and the mess left in its wake. Causing destruction wherever broken hearts go.
When she finishes, she and the dancer take a bow together. I watch the sweat drip off the ends of the dancer’s hair. The mid length locks are dark brown with a blue shadow under the bright light, and when he lifts his head my jaw drops and I feel my world tilt on its axis.
“Ladies and gentleman, thank you so much for having me tonight!” There’s an uproar and she takes a gracious bow. “And a big thank you to Raiden for joining me tonight! He’s so busybut he’s taken time out of his hectic schedule to join us.” The noise coming through the tv is deafening, almost as if I’m right there with them, feeling the same excitement they are.
His dark eyes are looking at me through the camera. His hair sitting messily across his forehead, the hair that I used to run my fingers through while he would sit in front of me on the floor and tilt his head back until I did exactly what he wanted.
My pulse is pounding and my mouth is dry, I try to swallow to wet it but all my throat does is offer a pathetic click in response.
