The cameras back off of them, shrinking their appearances until they are nothing except a blip against the black stage.
They cut the cameras and go to a commercial break.
I’m still stuck in a trance. I can’t move past it. He didn’t know I was watching, how could he? But in that moment, it felt like the performance was meant for me and me alone. The same routines he used to do in his bedroom, only perfected now. He accomplished his dream. And I’m not there to see it.
I push myself to a stand, bending to alleviate the pain in my lower back from the unforgiving ground.
“I’m gonna head out.” I tell no one in particular as they start flooding in again to watch the commercials before the game starts back up.
That night, I took my blankets out of the tent and laid under the stars, watching as they lit up the dark night sky. I traced my fingers across the constellations, naming them off as best I could, letting the eerie silence lull me into a fitful sleep.
I dream of him.
10
JERICHO
The dust kicks up, leaving a trail of red smoke behind me. The sun is high in the sky, beating against the ground and soaking up all of the non-existent moisture from its depths.
Gravel crunches under the tires as I make my way across the same terrain Connor and I took yesterday, except today I’m noticeably alone. The silence in the cab would make lesser men lose their minds, nothing to entertain them except the occasional rattle and nothing to keep them company except their own thoughts. I personally prefer it, being by myself and away from all the hustle and bustle that comes from other people. I’m surrounded by them twenty four seven, with no sense of privacy.
Today is a special occasion, because while they’re all too busy tending to the wounds they sustained from rough housing into the late hours of the morning, I went to bed at a decent time. And when Connor begged off, I took enough pity on him to grant it.
We’re supposed to be getting mail today, and I’m looking forward to it even if I don’t always receive something, I told myparents I didn’t need much out here. It's nice seeing my team get things. Connor gets a card from home with his whole family’s signature on it. Hollis gets postcards from his brother’s travels. And Ace’s family always sends the best snacks, and too many times we’ve sat around the small fire and ate junk food until it’s made us sick. No regrets, though.
We couldn’t have shit in bootcamp, so now it’s nice to be able to be spoiled and not have to worry about our Drill Sergeants yelling and berating us.
I circle, parking the van at the highest vantage point. Pulling out my binoculars, I do a thorough sweep of the area. Taking in every ridge and divot in the land and committing it to memory. I don’t see anything out of the norm.
Tucking away the binoculars, I tilt my head back against the uncomfortable headrest and close my eyes. Inhaling deeply, I take in the musky scent of sweat and dirt embedded into the hard metal surrounding me.
In my daydream, I’m 8,000 miles away. Sitting in the warm sun, soaking up the last rays of the day before the moon steals the attention away from the sun. My dad is manning the grill, the smoke carrying a sweet charred scent over to me in my chair beside Raiden. His sunglasses cover his eyes, the jewels reflecting light and casting a rainbow across his naked chest in an array of colors.
The sky darkens, an ominous sight against the blue sky. Wrath falls out of the clouds in pellets, bleeding down across the backyard and drenching everything in its downpour.
An angry God.
Raiden quickly sits up, yanking his sunglasses off and staring at me with dark, brown doe eyes. His mouth opens, his lips forming words but never speaking them. They dissolve away with the wind faster than I can breathe.
The rain doesn’t stop, and it doesn’t drain. It begins filling in the space between the fence posts. Cold water is up to my shoulders, and I’m frantic as I look around to help.
My mom and dad have disappeared. I’m left all alone with Raiden and I watch as his head sinks under the water. I try to trudge through the onslaught, but my legs won’t move. They’re not listening to my brain's command to move.
His head bobs up quickly, mouthing help, before it disappears just as fast. My heart is beating out of my chest, the organ working overtime. I inhale just before the water covers my head.
I open my eyes under the water, and all I see is black. I can’t see Raiden.
I swing my arms, trying to cut through the water and find him with any of my other senses. It doesn’t work. I’m paralyzed, caught in this state between reality and dream land.
“Jer,” a voice whispers. I whirl my head around, trying to find the siren’s song in the mess in front of me.
“Jer,” a repeated single syllable. Not enough for me to trace.
“Jer.” It’s all around me now, echoing off every ridge in my brain until I feel like I’m going crazy. And maybe I am.
A flash of lightning cracks outside the front windshield and I’m jolted from my daydream. I rub my eyes and scan the terrain, not seeing anything out of the ordinary.
It’s a cloudless day. The only color against the blue sky is the bright white of the sun hanging over the edge of the earth.
