I let her go before my own tears break free, and we both swipe at our faces with our sleeves. Neither of us speaks.
The silence is heavy, but it’s not empty. I want to kiss her again so badly I can taste it. But I don’t. Because if I do, it’ll only make the ache worse.
Chapter 28
Karissa
It’s been a day since Cody came over. A day since that hug that felt like it meant something, but also like it might be the last of its kind. We left things in this strange in-between… Not quite goodbye but not moving forward either.
I told myself I wouldn’t dwell on it. That I wouldn’t pick apart the way his arms felt around me, or how the emotion in his voice felt like a lifeline. But last night, lying awake, it replayed itself anyway. Over and over.
Then, this morning Ella texted, asking if Emma and I wanted to go next door with her for a playdate at Blake and Sierra’s. She said it was sort of a last-minute thing.
Maybe it’s just coincidence. Or maybe Cody told her I’ve been cooped up too much, that I needed to get out more. I wouldn’t put it past him. He likes to fix things quietly, without saying he’s doing it.
Either way, here we are. Ella, Cora, Emma, and I are heading over to Blake and Sierra’s. They’ve got a two-and-a-half-year-old named Caden. I guess it’s not really a playdate. Ella says she’s gotten to know Sierra more since having Cora. They’ve gotten the kids together a few times over the last few months, but it’s more for the moms than the kids.
I’ve talked to Sierra before. They go to the same church as Cody’s family. Addison babysits for them a lot, being right next door, and Blake works on the farm with Wesley.
I’m looking forward to it, I think. I definitely overpacked my diaper bag, though. I just want to be prepared. I don’t know if we’ll be inside, outside…the weather can change, I don’t know how long these things last either. She might need to eat a few times, or I might get hungry. You just never know.
Ella’s got Cora in a cute little pink-and-green outfit, a bow, and shoes to match. Ella’s even matching her. It’s not exact, but the color scheme is the same. Even her cup is the same shade of green. My diaper bag could swallow the bag over her shoulder. She’s got her blonde hair pulled up cute, diamond earrings in, and she’s even wearing jeans.
I’m wearing leggings and a tank top that is sized as maternity. I just wanted something big enough not to accentuate my extra belly fat. My hair’s in a ponytail and I only put on mascara. I forgot to add eyeliner. Emma was fussing and I wanted to feed her before I came.
When Sierra opens the front door to let us in, the smell that pours out of the house is a mix of a bakery and laundry room.
“Welcome!” She smiles, Caden standing at her leg watching us pile in. He looks a little unsure until Sierra runs her hand over his blond hair.
“It smells so good in here. I’m going to need the name of whatever candle is burning,” Ella says, slipping her shoes off and stepping further inside. I do the same, trying to balance Emma in my arms and not let the diaper bag fall off my shoulder.
“No candle, just homemade blueberry sourdough muffins! They’re almost done,” Sierra says.
Blueberry sourdough muffins? I can hardly find the time to make myself a bowl of cereal in the morning, let alone whip up some homemade muffins.
We get settled in the living room. I keep Emma with me, while Ella sits Cora on the floor and Sierra tells Caden to share some of his toys with her. He does, and then he even finds a few for Emma without Sierra’s guidance, which is so stinking sweet.
“I love this age. It’s my new favorite,” Sierra says.
“I’m sure! I can’t wait to hear her little voice and see her personality even more,” Ella agrees, gesturing to Cora.
They talk a few more minutes about that. I don’t have much to add to the conversation, I’m just excited for Emma to be content enough to not cry when I walk away from her for more than ten seconds.
“So, are you excited to get out and in your own space?” Sierra asks me.
There’s a part of me that tenses up. It’s not something I really want to think about, honestly. Cody and his family have been everything to me. They’re all I have and I don’t even know where I’d be right now if I hadn’t stumbled into that bar. Probably at the border, in jail.
“I am. Yeah, I’ll miss seeing everyone, obviously, but I know it’ll be good for me to get out on my own.”
Sierra nods. “It will. I remember when we first moved in here. It was such a weird adjustment. Quiet at first, but…a good kind of quiet.”
Ella smiles. “And you’re nothoursaway. You’ll always be welcome to come visit and catch up.”
I laugh. “That’s good to know. I’ll probably take you up on that.”
Sierra glances between us and her smile turns a little mischievous. “Well…speaking of changes…” She pauses. “I’m pregnant.”
Ella’s eyes widen and Sierra laughs. “Surprise!”
