“That’s amazing! Congrats!” Ella gets up to hug her, and then I feel like I shouldn’t just sit here, so I do too.
“I’m only nine weeks along. Due in March.”
“Aww, how exciting,” I say.
“Now I really wanna get a move on things. We’ve been trying,” Ella says.
“Have you really?!” Sierras asks as Caden is shoving one of his toy tractors in her face for her to see.
Ella nods. “It’s only been like two months now, but yeah.”
I sit here, wondering how Ella can talk about having another baby with Cora being only seven months old, sitting on her lap. I glance at Emma, just a few months behind. I can’t even imagine going through a pregnancy again, let alone adding another newborn into my life.
Granted, Ella and Jesse are married, but she works crazy hours, and he’s about to be even busier. How they manage with one is miraculous. How they’ll do it with two is insane. But knowing them, they’ll figure it out and somehow make it look easy.
I wish I had that kind of certainty. That sense ofwe’ll figure it out because we’re in it together. Instead, it’s just me and Emma, and half the time I’m making it up as I go, hoping I’m not screwing it all up.
“If it happens within the next few months, I’m a little worried about being pregnant during busy season. I was so tired early on with Cora, and sick more than I expected to be, so I just don’t know how I’ll do juggling her on top of that.”
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve been resting when he naps; sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes I don’t,” Sierra says.
“That’s true. But with work, it’ll be interesting as well.”
“Oh right, cause your hours are everywhere.”
“Yeah, so I told Jesse that I don’t know about working. Worst case, I take time off.”
“He was fine with that?” Sierra asks.
She nods. “Yeah, we’d be fine. I’d go back too, so it would just be temporarily.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal.
I had that lifestyle too, though. Stay home, take care of the house, he’ll work…and that blew up in my face real quick. I’m not saying I can see Jesse doing anything like that to Ella, but I’d be lying if I said I ever wanted to be a stay-at-home girlfriend, wife, or mom again.
“I love teaching but now I’ve been asking Blake about taking a break, just while the kids are little,” Sierra admits, and I continue to keep my mouth shut. I feel like the odd one out again. Am I the only one itching to get out and work, even if it’s just part-time? It might be what I’m most excited for when I do move.
“Blake doesn’t seem like the kinda guy that would be opposed,” Ella suggests.
“Definitely not. He’s just worried about me being too lonely. Tends to happen to me a lot, less now with having Caden, though. He keeps me busy, but losing that aspect of working…I’m not sure if it’ll help.”
“Aw, I get that. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Another one to keep you busy might help.” Ella laughs.
I can’t relate to Sierra’s loneliness thing. I used to like being alone and in my own space. But now, since Emma, I hate it. It’s isolating, even with her glued to me twenty-four seven.
Sierra goes on about how differentpregnancy tiredis fromnewborn tired. I honestly have no idea what she’s talking about. I’ve been tired since the day I got pregnant, and it hasn’t let up. To me, it all feels the same…just a constant, bone-deep exhaustion that’s always there.
* * *
Cody’s here again.
I heard his truck before I saw it. I didn’t ask him to come. I never do. But somehow, he always shows up when I need him to.
He doesn’t say much, just lets himself in with a soft “hey.” He nods toward Emma, who’s laying on her play mat, screeching at the toy hanging above her head. “I got her,” he says.
And I go because I know if I sit here any longer, I’ll fall apart. I’ve been close to it all day.
When I come back out, my hair still damp and clean pajamas clinging to my skin, he’s exactly where I left him, on the floor, legs stretched out. Emma’s sitting up, with his support of course, playing with a singing monkey.
He glances over, one hand curled protectively around the back of her head. “You feel better?”
