“I cannot believe you have poisoned poor Cassian’s mind like this,” she said to Ethel. “Hechoseyou, dear. Out of every other woman who was available to him at the time, Cassian Penn Livingston choseyou. I thought that you realized how lucky you are. Or how lucky youwere, rather.” Shaking her head, she continued. “Once this is all over and we are safely brought back on board, I won’t be speaking with you for the remainder of our trip.” Her eyes flickered to Mr. Quinn, and she sneered. Then her expression softened as she turned to Cassian. “And as for you, Cassian, perhaps the only reason you are being so blasé about breaking offyour engagement is because you are under the impression that the scandal of it all will only hurt Ethel. But I have to believe that you haven’t truly considered how bad it will look for you to have your fiancée leave you for your valet. You’re a lovely boy, Cassian. Don’t be so foolish as to think that you will not be marked by this, too.”
“I know I will be,” Cassian said without hesitation. He shrugged. “And I’ve made peace with it.”
Mrs. Barrington stared at him, appearing somewhat stunned, for several long, uncomfortable seconds. Then, the woman let out a small sigh as she left for the nearest lifeboat. Boarding it, she smiled a practiced smile at the officer who helped her in, as though she hadn’t been in the middle of a very personal confrontation mere seconds before and wasn’t likely still inwardly fuming from the outcome of it.
It still stunned James sometimes to witness how easily certain people, especially members of high society, could behave so falsely and continue to carry themselves with such practiced poise, even in times like this.
After Mrs. Barrington was seated in the boat, the officer called out, “Anyone else?”
Cassian looked over at Ethel who subtly shook her head. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. James could almost feel frustration wafting off of him. He wished he could help somehow (without inciting panic, of course, since from where they were standing now, closer to the lifeboats, more people were nearby to hear them).
“It really would be best to board one. Especially now, especially before there are larger crowds,” he tried. “Some people, they’re hovering back as though they’re too afraid to enter one, maybe. But lifeboats aren’t so scary. I went in a rowboat once. It was fun.”
“I’m not afraid of the boats, exactly,” Ethel replied. “But I’d rather not be separated from John. And what if something wereto happen to the boats out there on the sea? Won’t the ocean be too rough on those little things? One of them could roll over.”
“I’d keep you safe, miss,” Mr. Quinn said warmly.
Ethel’s lips curled into a small bashful-looking smile for a moment, but it faded fast. Exhaling a little huff, one so similar to her mother’s, Ethel shook her head.
“But that’s precisely my point,” she said. “I trust John to keep me safe. And so, I’d like to wait here with him until they begin letting men onto the boats, too.”
“Keep you safe,” Cassian repeated through a mocking laugh, one that was imbued with irritation. “Keep you safe, keep you safe. Alifeboatwill keep you safe. It’s in the Goddamned name! Our ship, she is—”
Cassian stopped mid-sentence, seemingly catching himself. He took hold of Ethel’s hand and pulled her aside, away from the small crowd. Mr. Quinn and James followed. And then, in a pressing-but-whispered tone, Cassian continued.
“Titanicis sinking. I witnessed an influx of water with my own eyes. On E-Deck.”
Gasping, Ethel cupped a hand over her mouth.
“Sinking?!” she repeated. “But how? I thought that... No, it can’t be. It’s been heralded as some sort of engineering marvel. One of those brochures said that the ship was practically unsinkable.”
“Yes,practicallyunsinkable,” Cassian said. “Earlier, when we felt that slight lurch and the rumbling that followed, we must have struck something that inflicted enough damage to warrant these lifeboats. Not as a precautionary measure or mere drill, either. I’m sure of it.”
“Could there be another ship coming?” Mr. Quinn said. “Because that can happen sometimes, can’t it Mr. Livingston? Err, sorry. Cassian? Our crew members here, maybe they called for help. Everyone still seems so calm. I mean, the officers aremoving with urgency, but that’s how they’re trained. I was a cadet for a little while as a boy. Not on a ship nearly as large as this one, but still, I remember how frightened we were when we hit a storm once.” Frowning, Mr. Quinn paused to think. “If we really are sinking—sinking without some sort of help nearby—I’d have imagined that Captain Smith might have issued some sort of ship-wide warning. ‘Abandon ship!’ ‘Evacuate at once!’ That sort of thing. But, look,Titanic, she is still seemingly level.” He looked around. “Or, well, mostly level. I think.”
James took a moment to consider this. Hewasputting more of his weight on one foot than the other. He hadn’t even realized it before. By God, the ship—she wasn’t level anymore, not even to a man like him, a man with no experience at sea.
Just then, a rocket shot up into the sky. It exploded and produced a shower of white stars. Everyone looked at one another. And James knew that they must have all been thinking the same thing.
The RMSTitanicwas, indeed, sinking.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Cassian
April 15, 1912
12:48 a.m.
Dread curdled in Cassian’s stomach, and he ran a hand over his face. Just one lifeboat had been prepared so far and the only men who the officers had allowed on board had been members ofTitanic’s crew. Not men like James, but seamen. Experienced seamen. Neither he nor James could hope to secure a spot in one soon, it seemed.
Cassian shifted his weight from one foot to the other over and over, noting the tilt of the ship. Even though every movement felt like confirmation of the potentially bleak future that was before him, he couldn’t even force himself to stop. Back and forth. Right to left. Sinking. Sinking. Sinking.
Goddamn it all!
He and James had barely even begun their relationship. They’d only just promised themselves to each other, only just started to laugh together, to sleep next to each other, to kiss, to cuddle, to fuck. Dammit, Cassianrefusedto believe that, after spending the whole of his life not even believing in the concept of romantic love, he’d finally met the most perfect man imaginable—one who hadproven to him that love was real—only to have their relationship be cut short at sea.
He would not stand for it!
