“I like music. Always have. It doesn’t matter if it’s dark and angsty or more light, like what you guys do. I think that most people look at me and think I fall into a certain mold dismissing me.” Was I over-explaining myself? Possibly. I didn’t care, mostly because Itsuki’s whole damn face lit up when I’d opened up to him.
“That’s awesome. I’m the same way. If it’s got a good beat and amazing lyrics? I’ll get sucked right in. I don’t really care what style it is.”
God, Itsuki was practically glowing as he leaned against the wall next to me. His big brown eyes blinked up at me as if he expected me to keep this conversation going. I wasn’t used to talking, but there was something about him that brought it out easily. And I wanted to talk to him, which was weird as fuck. I didn’t want to talk to people all that often, but after how things went down earlier in the day? Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
I took a deep breath, coughing a little to clear my lungs of the residual smoke from my last cigarette. “I’m the same. However, I do like it to still have a rock sound. Maybe that’s why I liked your band’s music. It’s fun and peppy, but you still know how to have that hard edge...”
As I trailed off, I looked over at the guitarist next to me.
Damn, his smile was so bright and infectious. That would take some getting used to. Everyone in Tokyo Roadtrip was always sodepressed. A smile was hard to come by, and maybe that should have been my glaring red flag that something was wrong with the band. That it wasn’t meant to last.
Dwelling on the past wasn’t worth it. Not when I had this gorgeous ball of sunshine giving me his attention. And yes, Itsuki was gorgeous. Maybe it was wrong for me to assume that he was flirting, but it had been so damn long since someone had paid that sort of attention to me that I craved it. Hungered for it. Was even a little starved for it.
Chapter 6
Itsuki
“Dinner?” God, what a freaking weird thing for me to ask.
I’ve never asked anyone if they would want to do something.... well... maybe Yasu and Riku. They were my closest friends for a reason. Ryosuke was a virtual stranger. There was something about him that called to me. Told me that I needed to open up to him and get him to talk to me.
When Yasu had been so damn rude to him earlier, I’d wanted to stomp my feet like a petulant child and tell him to grow the fuck up.
We weren’t the people who made others feel small and insignificant because they were different or had messed up in the past. Everyone deserved a chance to prove themselves, and so far, Ryosuke had been nothing but nice to me. There was something about him that set my whole body at ease. I could breathe just a little easier around him, and I wanted to cling to that.
Did that make me a bad person? I sure hoped not.
The longer Ryosuke stared at me, the more my skin crawled. I wanted to take the question back and forget that I had ever said anything. It took a lot for me to open up to someone like that and invite them to do things with me…
“What were you thinking?” His words were a low rumble that sent butterflies exploding low in my gut. There was only one other person who’d ever done that for me, and that was Yasu.
I hadn’t really thought about it.
There were a lot of options that we could do, but a big part of me wanted to hit up one of those street stands that popped up late at night that sold the best ramen. It was only midday, but a good ramen place was still a possibility.
“How do you feel about ramen?” I asked, my fingers itching to dig into my pockets while I waited for him to answer me.
It took a moment, but the small smile that spread across his face had warmth spreading through my body. “I could go for that. Have you tried the place right around the corner from the studio?”
I grinned at him, nodding enthusiastically. “I have. It’s one of my favorite places outside of the pop-up shops.”
We started to walk, shoulders bumping as we stayed far too close to one another. Every time we touched, little sparks of electricity shot through my system, and I wanted to reach out and wrap my hand around his. It was so damn stupid because I’d just met Ryosuke today, but there was something about him that called to me. That said, this was meant to be, and we were fated.
Fate, what a damn joke.
A small laugh escaped my lips as we rounded the corner, the sign for the ramen restaurant came into view. It might have made me look maniacal because it came out of nowhere. Here I was a few hours into meeting someone and thinking we were fated somehow. That had to be a new low. I was known forattaching myself to people a little too easily, but this was a new record.
“Are you okay?” Ryosuke asked.
My face heated as we entered the restaurant.
“I’m fine.” I wasn’t.
There were so many things wrong with me. I didn’t know how to voice any of it. There was how easily I attached myself to others, then how I still didn’t know how to define who I was as a person. I was twenty-two having no idea who I really was outside of being—Itsuski: Guitarist for Pink Cherry. I liked wearing frilly Lolita dresses, and I was attracted to just about anyone. It wasn’t always that I wanted only one person either.
How the hell did you talk to anyone about that? Especially in a country like Japan, where most didn’t have a way to identify their sexuality.
Sure, I’d done some research. I knew what it meant to be “x-gender” although I still didn’t completely understand what that meant for me or how to talk to my friends about it. There were days I felt okay with being Itsuki Takahashi. I didn’t feel like there were any stipulations attached to my identity or who I was as a person... but as a boy? Was it normal to love my feminine side so much?
