There wasn’t any shame attached to wearing my dresses or feminine clothing. My friends had always made me feel comfortable, no matter what. It helped that I was a big part of the Visual kei scene. Men wearing women’s clothes wasn’t weird at all. It was an inherent part of our culture. It didn’t change the fact that at times the dresses made me more comfortable, more at home in my skin.
I’d never had anyone to talk to about it. It was one of the things I hated most about life. When you were different, there was always that struggle. There had to be people like me out therebut finding them was nearly impossible. Mostly because of the stigma attached to it by others.
While Japan was mostly sex-positive, things that were outside of the usual woman and man pairing were still mostly considered taboo. I could easily find gay manga at the bookstores, but it didn’t always equate to what I was feeling. It was often men who were secretly in love with their best friends or who had a thing for men who acted like little boys. I’d never kink shame, but it wasn’t my thing. It was hard to relate to.
I was attracted to one of my best friends.
It didn’t explain other aspects of my sexuality. Most missed the mark in one way or another, and even though I always bought them regardless... something was missing. I wanted what was missing. There had to be something out there for someone who didn’t always feel like a boy or a girl.
A woman who had greeted us at the entrance led us to a table. I didn’t even bother to look at the menu before ordering the tonkatsu ramen. I never ordered anything fancy because there was just something special about ordering the classics. Ryosuke was similar, copying my order before the woman disappeared.
We sat across from each other awkwardly.
This would be the perfect opportunity to start asking him questions and get to know him on a deeper level, but something was holding me back. Maybe it was the way Yasu had reacted to him. Yasu was my best friend, and there had to be a reason that he’d had his guard up.
“You know that I didn’t participate... right?”
Ryosuke’s question caught me off guard, causing me to blink at him several times before I shook my head to clear my thoughts.
“Didn’t participate?” I asked.
Everyone knew what had happened to Ryosuke’s band, but it was obvious that he wasn’t part of the problem if he was the onlyperson still floating around the label and the rest were all gone. It wasn’t any of my business either.
I hadn’t asked and didn’t really care.
Ryosuke let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through his bright red hair before turning his smoldering stare at me. “I’m a huge fuck-up sometimes, but that was the one time I wasn’t. Some people can’t let it go.”
Maybe he was referring to the way Yasu had reacted to him. It would make sense, but maybe he’d missed that the rest of the band hadn’t.
“Well, I think that unless you do something to hurt us, you’re golden until then.”
I adjusted my legs, which were crossed one over the other, under the low table where we were seated. The longer Ryosuke stared at me, the more anxious I felt. But then the best thing happened. A warm smile spread across his lips that sent little sparkly butterflies exploding in my gut.
“Is that so? What kind of hurt are we talking about? Surely not the fun kind.”
And that had my face heating up. Was he flirting with me?
I shifted in my seat again because that hadn’t been my intention when inviting him out to eat, but it wasn’t unwelcome. The attention was nice. It was what I craved more often than not, and having this gorgeous guy giving it to me without me having to ask for it? That was the best feeling in the entire world.
Chapter 7
Yasu
The door slammed behind me, and when I neglected my usual “Tadaima,” Reiko came running around the corner, hand clutched to her chest with a knife in the other.
“Otou-san, what in the world?” She set the knife down on a side table before approaching me slowly.
“Sorry, sorry,” I apologized as I wrapped my sister in a hug. “Today was just hard.”
She nodded before pulling away from me and heading back to our tiny kitchen.
“That’s no reason to come in here like you’re breaking into the place.”
“Again, I’m sorry.” I sighed as I kicked off my shoes and followed her.
The kitchen smelled heavenly, like classic spices and fresh fish that simmered away in a pan on the stove. Reiko was a born caretaker—she would one day make someone a great wife if shewasn’t so damn busy taking care of me. That was if she was even interested in doing that.
I opened the fridge, pulling out a can of Asahi Super Dry before plopping into a seat at the dining table. Once I’d cracked open the can, I took a long sip only to find my sister standing there with her arms crossed and staring at me. She wanted me to tell her what happened, and I owed it to her. I really did.
