Actually, they were more than okay with it. Their bedroom was filled with blankets, furniture, and even some stuffed animals that had come from the house they’d shared with Ethan. Aspen felt a little weird about all those beady eyes watching them have sex with someone new. Especially since they’d watched the last time Aspen ever had sex with Ethan, even though Aspen hadn’t known it was their final encounter at the time.
What if this was their last time with Noah? What if they messed this up so badly that they were never invited back? It was fine if they never topped. They could just keep doing what they were doing, and maybe one day Noah would want more from them, or maybe they just weren’t worth more, and they’d keep having sex the same way, as friends, until the end of the trial, and that would still be a gift, because Noah was a gift, and–
“Asp, look at me, sweetie,” Noah said.
Aspen blinked a few times and found Noah leaning down, their faces only an inch apart as he cupped Aspen’s overheated cheeks.
“Sweetie?” they rasped, because sometimes all they were capable of was a D or possibly even an F-game of communication.
Noah’s lip quirked up in a tiny smile. “I don’t know, it felt right in the moment, and it got your attention at least.”
Aspen scrunched up their brow, and Noah soothed his thumb over the wrinkles in their forehead. “I don’t know if I’m a ‘sweetie.’”
“Alright,” Noah said with a breathless-sounding huff. “The next time you scare me shitless, I’ll come up with a new one, okay?”
Aspen pulled out of his grasp. “How did I scare you shitless?”
Noah scowled as he stood back up to his full height. “I tried to ask you what was wrong, called your name three times, and you were sort of just staring at nothing.”
Oh. Well, damn. That did sound kind of scary.
“Sorry, I…was sort of…” they rolled both hands on their wrists in a “I have no fucking idea” gesture.
“Yeah, I got that. Come on, let’s sit down.”
He led them over to his plush couch, and Aspen climbed into his lap because, as far as they were concerned, until they fucked this up irrevocably, they had a standing invitation to do so. Affirming their belief, Noah wrapped his arms tightly around their waist and kissed them.
They were tempted to sink into the kiss, to let all their worry and any hope at communication float away, but this was too important.
“I’m scared,” they finally said, and Noah’s face settled into a serious expression.
“You’re not going to mess anything up between us if we have a bad time,” Noah said, and Aspen buried their face in his neck.
“What if I…hurt you, or…disappoint you.”
“The only thing that would disappoint me is if you’re only doing this because you think I want to, and you don’t actually want to try it.”
Aspen sat up so fast they nearly cracked Noah across the chin. “I do want to try it!”
Noah studied their face. “Do you think you’re just nervous to try, or are you not ready today?”
Aspen bit their lip and did their best to answer honestly. “I think I’m ready. Just really fucking nervous.”
Noah’s eyes softened, and his lips curved up into one of Aspen’s favorite smiles. It was just for them, and it held so much of their history. “It’s okay to be nervous, and to be frank, a lot of first times are awkward and uncomfortable and yes, even painful, but I would never hold any of that against you. Thankfully, this isn’tmyfirst time, so I think we should be fine on the pain front.”
He soothed a hand down their back, and they shuddered, pressing impossibly tighter against his chest. “And you really want to do this, too…right?” Aspen asked.
“I’m sure I don’t have to sell it to you, but it can be fun when I do it with someone I trust. And, Asp?” he said, stroking his fingers back through their newly dyed green hair. “You talking to me about your worries makes me trust you even more.”
Aspen grasped two fistfuls of his sweater and pressed their foreheads together. “Okay. I trust you, too, and I believe that this is truly what we both want to do tonight.”
Noah kissed them, and when they opened to his kiss, he turned and pressed them into the sofa as his hands skimmed up the back of their shirt. “If we get halfway in, and you’re not feeling it, we can do something else,” he said between kisses. “I want you in any way I can have you tonight.”
Aspen desperately wanted him, too. Having fully exhausted their list of worries—and any other reasonable way to stall—Aspen allowed Noah to lead them into the bedroom. They undressed each other, something they didn’t often do, and it was the tiny, eager grin on Noah’s face that finally settled their nerves. They’d never seen him look so adorableandhorny at the same time.
Getting him prepped was, as Aspen had predicted, uncomfortable and awkward at first. Aspen had never touched a back hole before, and it was mildly terrifying. Noah was slow and patient as he walked them through it. Once Aspen got the hang of the differences between Noah’s hole and their own, they enjoyed the way their different movements made Noah either sigh or whine in pleasure. They liked that second one a lot, and by the time they had three fingers inside him, they were starting to enjoy themself. It felt like they were crossing into a new stage of their arrangement, where Aspen could give pleasure as much as take it.
When it was time for the strap, Aspen had been practicing putting it on and taking it off until they could do it almost as easily as getting dressed. They used an obscene amount of lube, which made Noah roll his eyes, but that smile was still on his lips, so Aspen figured they were doing the right thing.
