“Wait, don’t go,” I said. Panic grabbed hold of my chest as I crawled towards my guys at the foot of the bed.
Liam gripped my chin in a tight hold. “We’re going to help make a really nice nest for you, kitten. Can you wait here for just a few minutes while we do that?”
Being alone for even a moment filled me with genuine fear. I knew it was irrational, but I wasn’t sure what would happen if I was alone.
“Get on my back, baby,” Bear said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“What?”
“Listen to your alpha,” Gray said sternly. To my surprise, being told what to do eased some of the clawing discomfort in my chest. I wasn’t about to question why—I would take whatever relief I could get right now.
I climbed on Bear’s back and he took a firm hold on my legs. I clung to him as the guys cleared a space in the center of the living room. Liam and Gray carried in two large mattresses and laid them in the center of the room while Henry piled blankets, pillows, and a pile of shirts on the beds. Bear released his hold on my legs and I slid down his back. The moment my feet touched the floor, he turned so I was pressed to his chest.
“You make your nest and let your alphas—and beta—take care of the room.” His voice was low and though his face betrayed nothing, I scented the fear rolling off of him.
I nodded. I was unsure of what they were going to do with the room, but I was already itching to fix the beds. I rearranged the blankets until they created a border around the large mattresses and then started layering the blankets and clothing. I moved another pillow, revealing Gustav Hedgehog. I tucked him into my arms. He smelled like Gray and the tiniest smile tugged at my lips when I realized my alpha must have slept with him to make sure he carried his scent.
I registered my guys doing something around me, but my omega was too focused on my nest to care. Finally, a feeling of rightness hit me, and I collapsed in the center, exhausted from this entire day. I looked up and realized that I wasn’t looking at the ceiling. My guys had somehow hung sheets over the mattresses, creating a swooping effect like a tent. There was still enough space above me to stand, but it felt cozy and enclosed. Flickering candlelight caught my eye. Henry was finishing lighting votive candles lining the coffee tables and side tables.
I could breathe for the first time since the hospital.
“Come here,” I said to my guys, who were standing at the edges of my nest. “But no clothes.”
Bear stripped off with lightning speed before crawling to join me. My omega was pleased that he was careful not to mess up our nest design. And also pleased to see his strong arms and tanskin on display. The rest of my guys joined, and we were tangled together like a web. I no longer knew where I ended and they began, which was perfect since I didn’t want to be in my body anymore.
I wasn’t sure I even wanted a body anymore.
The only sounds were my guys’ steady breaths, Bear’s heartbeat where I lay against his chest, and the occasional evening bird call outside.
“Sorry for going all crazy omega,” I whispered. Even during my mini heat, I hadn’t felt anything this intense.
“I like when you’re crazy,” Bear mumbled. Then he flinched. “Ouch, what was that for?”
“You can’t call our omega crazy,” Gray said.
“I mean, she kind of was there for a minute,” he said, giving me a reassuring squeeze. His tone was lighthearted, and I found his words didn’t make me feel ashamed.
Being an omega was weird as fuck.
“Today was…” I said, trailing off.
“Scary?” Henry suggested.
“The fucking worst?” Bear said.
“Horrible?” Liam added.
“A nightmare,” Gray said.
“All of those things,” I whispered. “I’m scared for Monday.”
“You’re allowed to change your mind,” Henry said gently.
I forced myself to sit with his words. I could decide to stop this course of treatment, but where would that leave me? With months and months on a different chemo, which might be just as bad? I would be letting go of any hope for an actual cure and accepting that this tumor would be with me forever, possibly growing larger and becoming even more disruptive. With each month that went by, my symptoms had grown worse. How much worse would things get without treatment?
My guys said they were okay with whatever I decided, but how long until they realized I was more work than I was worth? I’d seen it with Cat and my uncles. At first when she got sick, they were caring and attentive. As the months dragged on, their patience grew thin. The more days she spent confined in bed, the more their irritation grew. They wanted the omega they fell in love with, not the sick shell of a person she was at the end. They took their frustrations out on me, and I preferred it that way. Cat deserved better than their conditional love. I would never forget her tear-stained face the last time we spoke, the way pain wracked her whole body as she apologized for not being a better mom to me.
My guys weren’t like my uncles. They loved me so well, but I also loved them enough to know they deserved more than a lifetime of medical appointments and uncertainty. They deserved more than an omega who was a burden to them.
