Are you up for a do-over? I promise not to run out on you this time.
I’ll think about it…
Fuck.
Yes :)
Yes.
Friday night? Same place?
Perfect.
I have plenty of time to prepare. I’ve got the panic attack part out of the way, and I’m determined to be ready after this disaster date. I just need to rip off the Band-Aid and get it over with. I will force myself to bring it up and talk it over at group therapy tomorrow. I will ask Melissa for her advice. I need all the resources I can get.
The next morning, I find Jae waiting in the lobby.
“What took you so long?” he asks me as we walk out of the building together.
“I didn’t know I was meeting you,”
“Just assume you’re meeting me. We’re going to the same place. It’d be a little ridiculous to not go together.”
“You’re a little ridiculous.” I throw my head back and laugh like I’m Barbie in her dream car and Ken just told her the funniest fucking joke. The train is packed, and Jae offers me the only seat we can find. I sit, looking up at him as he hangs onto the metal bar above my head. Just looking at him puts nuclear fallout in my stomach. Jae is becoming the boy I’ve wished for myself. He walked me home. He comforted me in a time of need. He hasn’t baked me a cake, but noodles are a good second option.
In the restaurant, I paint. Jae prepares something that smells delicious. It’s like the day I started. We work in a comfortable, easy silence until I say, “Rishi and I are going back to Banditos for dinner on Friday.”
It’s like someone yanked a record off the player. “What?” Jae’s voice is ragged, like someone threw a softball at his throat.
“Rishi is giving me another shot.”
“What?”
“I just told you. Rishi is giving me a second chance,” I knit my eyebrows together. “Are you good?”
“No, I heard you. Just surprised, that's all.” Jae looks back to his table settings.
It’s my turn to say, “What?” I don’t know what he means. Rishi was really nice over the phone. “Surprised that Rishi is giving me a second chance?”
“No. Surprised you’re going out with him again.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” He huffs and I feel a forcefield around him popping up, pushing me out.
“What’s with you?” I ask, setting my paint brush down.
“I just didn’t think you’d be ready to go on another date so soon.”
“Well, I’m not, but I have to rip the Band-Aid off, don’t you think?” I’m almost hysterical. “I thought you wanted me to stop scaring people with my weird widow-virgin thing going on.”
“Rishi’s not the type of guy to have sex on the first date.”
“And you think I am?”
“No,” Jae hits me with the one-word answer and folds his napkins as if he’s chatting with
the DMV receptionist.
