"Clarke, you've taken too much damage from last night's demon attack," Nessa reminded me. My fate seemed appropriate considering I had let my personal demons get the better of me and my relationship. "Your health is too poorly to cast a spell."
Of course it is.
"So, what? I'm just shit out of luck?" Here my character was on the edge of death, just when I was starting to get the hang of thisdang game. "How am I supposed to protect myself from getting hurt?"
"You can't."
"For fuck's sake!" I threw my hands up in the air to signal that I was rapidly approaching my breaking point. "Am I just supposed to trust that it's all going to be okay? Or that one of y'all will protect me? That's not fair. It's not fair to you, to me, and it definitely isn't fair to the residents of East Salem."
Three sets of eyes blinked back at me, each of them full of horror and pity I didn't deserve. Not after my awful behavior this past week.
I was late for work. Twice. I had been avoiding calls all week from Nessa, Dani, and even my sister. My little house on wheels was a mess, as was my hair. I hadn't washed it in days, mostly because I couldn't stomach the idea of running into Soren while one (or both of us) was naked.
I might have done something real crazy then like drop to my knees and beg—for his dick or forgiveness, I wasn't sure.
It wasn't like I hadn't been through a breakup before. I had—twice. For heaven's sake, it had only been a few months since I had called off my engagement. And yet, neither of those had left me feeling broken, empty, like a shell of my former self.
Breakup Barbie: potato chips and mascara-stained cheeks not included.
"Clarke, honey." Nessa reached a hand across the table to cover mine. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I feel like we've segued away from Bitchcraft and into breakup?"
The lilt of June's question told me she was hoping she was wrong. That made two of us.
"I'm sorry," I told them, rolling Nessa's hand over in mine. "I'm not really myself right now. Something happened between Soren and I."
"Who do we need to hurt?"
"Do we need to cast a spell?"
"Mi titiis abruja.I can have her put a curse on him if you'd like?"
A smile touched my cheeks, the first I'd had in days. Though I was interested in hearing more about Jo'stiti—and what kinds of curses she could cast—I shook my head.
"No, I'm pretty sure this was my fault. I kind of scared him off."
June's brows furrowed. "Youscaredhimoff?"
I had replayed our conversation that morning in my trailer over and over again, wondering where it had gone wrong. A different person might have dumped the blame entirely in his lap because let's face it, his response could have been better. I, on the other hand, had a tendency of putting the blame on myself, even when it wasn't warranted. So I had to believe there was some place to meet in the middle.
An unhappy medium, if you will.
It didn't take long to realize my error. I'd called himSin.The stupid, degrading nickname I knew he hated, and even still, I'd used against him. He had every right to be mad at me.
But did he still love me?
"I didn't mean to," I told them. "Or, I don't know, maybe a part of me did. Subconsciously. I just— I don't want to lose myself again. I'm just starting to get to know me, and I kind of like her."
June and Nessa both nodded.
"I like her, too," Jo added, tilting his beer to me.
"And you know how we feel," Nessa said.
It was refreshing to know that however my relationship with Soren panned out, I would still have June, Nessa, and even Jo to count on.
"Can I offer you some advice?" Nessa asked. "Only if you want it, though."
