“We need to talk. There’s something I’ve been trying to tell you all morning, but one thing after another has been getting in the way. And then when I finally did make it to you…well… obviously, I miscalculated what your reactionwouldbe.”
I could hear him talking, but he might as well have been speaking an alien dialect for all the words meant to me. I opened and closed my mouth numerous times without any sound until Jake came to the rescue, sort of, by transforming his hand into a talking puppet to illustrate his point. Finally Iunderstood.
“Hold on there. Are you telling me that you scared the living baby squirrels out of me so we could have a nice little pre-wedding chat? Have you ever heard of the talking device called a phone,genius?”
The sheepish grin gave me the first bit of relief since his teary-eyed invasion set me on a collision course with crazy town. Maybe the wedding really was still on; but if that were the case, it made Jake the stupidest groom to have ever roamed this earth. I slapped his chest with my perfectlymanicuredhand.
“Would you please stop hitting me? You really need anger management classes. And assbutt? Where do you come up with that shit? I mean how awesomely redundantwasthat?”
All the tension dropped from my body as I felt the tiniest of smiles grace my face. “Well, you know, I do have a gift for thespokenword.”
He nodded inamusement.
“So, what are you saying?” I asked, still shaken. “Are we still gettingmarried?”
“It depends. Are you going to continuehittingme?”
Jutting my chin out, I answered defiantly, “It depends. Are you going tomarryme?”
We stared at one another a moment before dissolving into laughter. Once we’d quieted down, I slapped his chest again just because Ineededto.
“What were you thinking, Jake? Do you have any idea how bad that looked back there? And why were youcrying?”
“I wasn’t crying. When I walked into that room, it felt like someone squirted a napalm bomb in my eyes. The tears just started pouring. You know how sensitive myeyesare.”
Tears pooled in my own eyes as I struggled to keep the disappointmentatbay.
“Hey, are you okay?” Jake pulled me into his arms, guilt evident in his remorseful face. “I’m so sorry Iscaredyou.”
“It’s not that… it’s just, we can’t ever have thatmomentnow.”
“Whatmoment?”
“When you see me for the first time as I walk down the aisle. And your eyes fill with love and you think to yourself that I’m the most beautiful bride ever. That moment is ruined. I just don’t understand. I mean, I thought Boris and I were pretty clear with you about all the rules. Your only job was tofollowthem.”
He dipped his head into my shoulder. “I’m so sorry. But if it’s any consolation, I had that moment when I saw you at the end of the bridesmaid tunnel. You took my breath away, and I promise, you were, and are, the most gorgeous bride I’ve ever laid eyes on. In fact, I would have taken more time to marvel had you not turned into bridezilla and started calling me the world’s greatest insults. Sparky? Babe, thatwasepic.”
I nodded, returning his smile. “I don’t think I can stress enough how much youdeservedit.”
“No, I got the gistofit.”
“So what did you come to say to me that was so important it couldn’t wait until after we gotmarried?”
The mood shifted, and Jake’s relaxed demeanor turned troubled. “You asked me a question last night. I came here toanswerit.”
I knew instantly this wouldn’t be something I wanted to hear. “Okay,” I answered,hesitantly.
“I should have told you last night, I know that. I just have so much trouble opening up. And then I had a bad night… didn’t sleep much… I felt terrible about lying, and I just really needed toseeyou.”
Regardless of the stunt he’d just pulled, my heart ached. I knew what rough nights were like for him, and I wouldn’t wish those on my worst enemy. “You want to tell me about your badnight?”
“Just…nightmares.”
“Ray?”
He didn’t answer, but his sudden rigidness answered myquestion.
“Don’t let him take this day away from you, Jake,” I whispered, lifting my hand to stroke his strongjawline.
