“Sean. We’ve got all day. I’m going to see if he can get you a doctor’sappointment.”
“I don’t need to see a doctor, Jake. Women have been peeing on sticks for alongtime.”
“Right, but none of those women are my wife. We’re getting you anappointment.”
Irelentedto Jake’s request, and later that afternoon, we were brought in through the back door of the doctor’s office and escorted into an exam room. The first thing they had me do was pee in a cup. I eyed Jake. All this pomp and circumstance could easily have beenavoided.
“I hate to say I told you so,” I said, exiting the bathroom with my brimming cup of urine. “But I told you so. Going on a stick would have been so much easier, by the way. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pee within the parameters of the cup? I thought I knew where my urine stream was coming from but I was totally off. Peed all overmyhand.”
Although not known for biting his nails, Jake was nervously chowing down. Upon hearing of my toilet trials, the stress lines in his forehead softened, the finger was removed from his mouth, and my hubby broke out into a grin. “Maybe keep that fascinating story between the two ofus,huh?”
The nurse stopped in briefly to take my blood pressure before exiting with my pee cup. While waiting for the doctor to arrive, I examined the stirrups on the side of thetable.
“How much would you pay me to put my feet in the stirrups and greet the doctor like that when he arrives?” Iteased.
“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head in amusement. “I would pay younothing.”
“Yeah, he probably wouldn’t blink an eye anyway. Do you think he gets bored looking at vaginasallday?”
“I don’t know,” Jake said, wrapping his hands behind his head and leaning back in his chair. “Iwouldn’t.”
“All day, Jake. He looks at them all day. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t get old after awhile.”
“Sure, Casey, whatever you say. It would be suchabore.”
I extended my leg out to playfully kick him with my bare foot, but his reactions were spot on and he managed to scoot his chair back in the nickoftime.
“Why’d you have to get me a male gynecologist anyway?” Icomplained.
“He was the only one I could get on such shortnotice.”
“Oh, wonderful. Maleandthe last gyno left on the shelf.Goody.”
Jake grinned, shrugging his shoulders at my remark. “I honestly didn’t think itmattered.”
“Of course it matters. Would you want a female doctor sticking her fingers upyourdick?”
“Nooo…” He laughed. “I wouldn’t wantanyonedoing that, male or female. Would you please just sit quietly until hegetshere?”
“Fine, but he’d better notbehot.”
Jake’s eyes widened in surprise, but before he could respond to my off-color statement, the doctor walked through the door… and thankfully he was aging and ratherunattractive.
He also cut right to the chase. “Congratulations. You’repregnant.”
21
Jake: The UglyTruth
Iletthe words sink into my dense skull. Casey was pregnant… with my child. I was going to be a father. Was it hot in here? The tingling sensation that had started in my toes had worked its way through my body and was now lapping at my ears. What had I been expecting? We’d been actively trying to get pregnant, so this outcome was bound to happen at some point, yet still it was shocking. Sure, I could play dad all I wanted with my niece and nephew, but they were already fully formed human beings. Any damage that had been done could not be credited to me. But my own child? Oh, man, I was going to have to mold that baby frombirth.
While Casey peppered the doctor with questions, I let my mind wander. Fading into a trance-like state, I stared pathetically at the poster on the wall, which showcased the female reproductive organs. At first pass, it seemed fairly straightforward. I’d seen it all, you know, from the outside; but when I really started studying the inner workings, I honestly couldn’t tell you where my baby was currently chilling out inside Casey. On a side note, did anyone else think the diagram detailing the fallopian tubes looked like the Texas Longhorn’smascot?
Squinting to get a better look at the illustration, I was interrupted by the doctor. “Jake, do you have any questionsforme?”
Um, yeah, I had a whole buttload of them, but none I actually wanted to ask out loud. I must have made some ambiguous gesture with my head because both Casey and the doctor exchanged amused grins. Now I had to come up with something tangible tosaveface.
“When?” Iasked. “How?”
