"Your turn," he said.
"What?"
"You took care of me. Now I want to take care of you."
"Julian, you don't have to—"
"I want to. Teach me. Show me how to make you feel good."
The offer nearly destroyed what was left of my control. But I couldn't. Not tonight. Not when this was all so new for him.
"Next time," I said. "Tonight was about you. About showing you that intimacy doesn't have to be something you endure. That it can be good. Safe. Chosen."
"But you didn't—"
"I'm fine. Watching you was enough." I kissed him softly. "This wasn't transactional, Julian. I didn't do this expecting something in return. I did it because I wanted to. Because you wanted it. That's all that matters."
Julian looked at me for a long moment. Then smiled. Soft and genuine and devastating.
"You're a much better man than you think you are."
"I'm really not."
"You are. You just don't see it because you've spent years punishing yourself for things that weren't your fault." He touched my face. "I see you, remember? All of you. The good parts and the parts you think are broken. I want all of it."
I pulled him close and just held him. Let myself have this moment of peace.
We stayed like that for a long time. Julian in my lap. My arms around him. The office quiet except for our breathing.
Eventually I said, "You should get back to your room. Get some sleep."
"I don't want to go."
"I know. But if you stay here, I'm going to want more. And you're not ready for that yet."
"What if I want more?"
"You do. Your body doesn't know what it's asking for yet. Trust me on this." I kissed his forehead. "We have time. We don't have to rush."
Julian sighed but nodded. Stood up from my lap on shaky legs. I helped him find his shirt. Watched him get dressed.
At the door, he turned back.
"This did change everything," he said. "You know that, right?"
"I know."
"Good. Because I'm not letting you run from this. From us. Not anymore."
"I'm not running."
"Promise?"
I crossed to him. Framed his face with my hands. Kissed him thoroughly.
"I promise. No more running."
Julian smiled against my mouth. "Good."
