She pulls back to look me in the eye. “A box?”
“A girl’s gotta eat.” My lips unfurl into a grin. “Don’t you have any?”
“I had one of those magic wand ones with the round vibrating head until Harry found it and used it as a microphone.” With tears still in her eyes, she laughs at the memory.
I cover my mouth with a gasp. “You’re kidding?”
“Nope. Found him singing his heart out to Baby Shark a year back. I daren’t get another.” She lets out another laugh.
“You could use your electric toothbrush.”
She deadpans. “Don’t tempt me.”
Laughing, I grab a tub of ice cream from the freezer. It’s not Ben & Jerry’s but it will do. “Let’s watch the movie with Harry. I think it’s the one with that cute actor you like.”
35
SHANE
Ileave Kane to work on fixing her door while I check Lilly’s security system. Though the best thing around here is the neighbour’s dog, Russel. He might be a yappy little thing, but he’s better than any alarm.
The burner phone in my pocket pings. Another text from her.
Thank you for the money, but you really don’t need to send me anymore.
My thumb hovers over the screen as I contemplate texting her back. I don’t have much more money to give. Between the few grand I’ve already given her and her mum’s top-up fees for the care home, my inheritance is running low, but I’d give her my last penny if she needed it. Money is meaningless unless you have someone to share it with.
Being the king of a castle is all good, but it’s lonely when you’re on your own. The few nights she’d been to my place, she made everything warm, her cardigan still hangs on the bannister, her scent still lingering as I walk in my house, making it feel like a home.
I resist the urge to text back, even though my heart’s breaking with all the dreams that will never be. I shove the phone back into my pocket.
Kane walks into the kitchen and nods at the large bouquet of lilies on the table. “Wonder who they’re from.”
I shrug a shoulder. “No idea.”
The flowers are wilted, practically dead, just like our relationship. They need water, but I’m not sure they can be revived at this stage. A petal falls, like a sad, lonely tear, mirroring how my heart weeps.
On our last live, she told me to stay away if I’m not willing to have a relationship with her. If only she knew I’d marry her if I could. I’d get down on my knees for her, but it’s no use. The minute she knows my identity, I’ve not only lost a lover, but a friend.
I can’t lose every version of her. I need her in my life. She’s the only good thing I have. The one thing that makes life bearable. As much as this is killing me, I’ll do this for her.
Kane opens her under sink kitchen cupboard and pulls out a cloth. “The new door’s in. With three deadbolts, nobody is breaking in here with a crowbar.”
I nod, silently thanking him, but he’s not doing this for me. He still cares for the lass, even though he’s in love with someone else. Lilly was there for Kane when he needed her the most, and she needed him. He kept her on a straight path.
Following Kane to the back door, I light up a cigarette and offer Kane one. “How’s things with you?”
He lights up, takes a deep inhale, and blows out a plume of smoke before answering me. “Same old shit, different day.” He stares at me as if he can sense the turmoil in my head. “You look even worse than I do.” He inhales another drag. “You still not sleeping?”
I lean back against the brick wall, gazing at Lilly’s small overgrown garden. Weeds have taken root, strangling anything that had once bloomed like the seed in my head telling me I’m no good for her anyway, and I should stay away before I strangle the life out of her. If I end this now, she’ll never know the truth. We can carry on as we were and she can live her life, find someone worthy of her who isn’t going to come between her and her family.
“I haven’t slept much lately with all this going on.” Pulling on the cigarette, the smoke burns at the back of my throat and I welcome it as the hit seeps into my veins, my mind feeling lighter. “Between Lilly’s break-in, a bunch of robbery’s on the old folks estate, a fucking drug dealer who’s vanished into thin air, and my ex-wife thinking I want to get back with her, it’s no wonder I can’t get any fucking sleep.”
Kane’s chest shakes with a silent chuckle. “Fern thinks you want to get back with her.”
I flick the ash onto the floor. “Yeah, mate. Fucking mental, that one. As if I’d go back there. The best thing she ever did was leave me. I might have been hurt, but at least she had the strength to end it.” It’s another reminder of how I need to summon the strength now to stay away from Lilly. I’ll be there as Shane to help with anything she needs, but the mask stops now.
36
