Now is my chance to call his mobile and make him face up to what we’ve done. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. I grab the phone and swipe to my shadow’s number and press call, watching Shane from the doorway between the kitchen and living room. The call rings. Shane doesn’t flinch, and I sag against the doorframe.
He waves Harry goodbye and steps sideways to slip past me. “You all right?”
I drop my phone into my cardigan pocket. “Yeah. All good.”
He stops in the doorway, our bodies almost touching with only a hair between us. “Don’t worry. I’ll find out who it was. If anything happens, don’t hesitate to call me. Okay?”
I nod my head. He thinks I’m worried about the burglar or stalker or whoever that was in my home, but I’m more worried about never having the weight of my shadow on me again, never hearing his deep raspy voice or feeling his hands on my skin.
He leaves the house, making sure we lock the doors behind him. My head rests back against the wall as I let out a breath, relaxing a little now it’s just the three of us. It’s then when I see Fern slump over her sink and dab her eyes with a tissue.
I pad back into the kitchen and close the living room door so Harry doesn’t see her upset. “Is it the doctor?”
She wipes her nose. “I got something in my eyes, that’s all.”
“You don’t need to bullshit me.” I look into the room door. “Harry’s engrossed in his superhero movie. He can’t hear you.”
She drops the tissue onto the worktop, her voice cracking, she says, “I actually thought he liked me, Lil.”
I close the distance, wrap my arm around her, and pull her in for a hug. “I’ve no doubt he did like you. The guy likes any girl with a pulse.” My palm rubs up and down her back. “Come to think of it, he’s probably not fussed about the pulse.” I pause, realising what I said isn’t helping as she sobs against my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She sniffles, and I’m sure she’s snotted on my cardigan. “It’s not your fault, is it?” She turns and grabs another tissue.
My throat clogs up. Dr Fletcher might not be my fault, but the secrets I keep would hurt her even more.
“I just want to find someone decent, you know. Someone I can share a life with. Is that too much to ask?” She wipes her face and blows her nose. “I left Shane because I wanted to be with someone who gave me butterflies. I wanted to have that spark like I read about in romance novels, but since Shane, it’s been one disaster after another.”
“I know. But I’m proud of you for not settling for anything less than you deserve.”
She looks into my eyes with a tremble in her lip. “Do you think the universe is punishing me for leaving a good man?”
I shake my head. “Don’t be silly.”
“That’s how it feels. I know I had it good with him, but there wasn’t anything between us.” She sniffles and wipes at her nose. “I’m not blind. I saw his house. I could have been living there, Lil.”
“You could, but would you be happy?”
“No, but I’d be comfortable. He’s like a pair of old slippers.”
I scrunch my nose. “Old slippers?” My throat constricts, and I hold my hand around my neck, dread filling my lungs. “Are you saying you want to get back with Shane?”
It’s like she doesn’t even hear me.
“You know, like all the shine had gone, but you don’t want to throw them out because they’re comfortable.” A small laughpuffs out of her. “I know that sounds awful, and that’s why I left. He deserved to find new slippers, too. I just never thought it would be this hard to find the right fit.”
“So you don’t want to get back with him?” I ask again, just to be clear. Not that I think he would, but if she’s pining after him as well, that makes my situation even more difficult.
She shakes her head. “No. There’s nothing there. I don’t want to rip his clothes off.”
All the air leaves my lungs with a sigh of relief. “Did you want to rip Dr Fletcher’s clothes off?” I cringe at the mental picture.
She pauses for a moment. “Not really. But I’m so tired, Lil. I drop Harry at school, spend five hours at a job I hate, visit Mum, pick Harry up from school, spend the next four hours entertaining him between cooking and cleaning, then eat, sleep, repeat.” Another tear drips onto her cheek. “It never ends, Lil. I just want someone to take the weight off. Is that so wrong? I don’t even care about wanting to rip their clothes off anymore.”
“I’m sure the right man is out there for you.”
“Maybe I’ve read too many romance novels and I have unrealistic expectations about men.”
I pull her in for another hug. “I don’t think they’re unrealistic.” My eyes close, thinking of Shane. “Maybe we’re both doomed when it comes to men. There’s no wonder I have a box of toys.”
