“Thanks for staying with him.”
“I didn’t want him to be alone with his thoughts. I don’t know what he went through, but he’s got a lot of demons to fight.”Kane rests his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.” My lip trembles, contradicting my words. Tears swell in my eyes again and my whole body shakes. It’s clear I’m far from fine.
Kane slips his arm around me, pulling me tight against his chest. “You’re safe, baby girl. You know we’ll never let anything happen to you.” His lips press against my temple. “I’m surprised Shane let you come here alone.” A puff of air leaves his lips with a small laugh. “Is he waiting outside?”
I move my head side to side with a smile curving my lips. “He did follow me here in the car.”
Kane’s chest shakes against mine with a silent chuckle. “Figures.”
“He also added a tracking app to my phone and said I have to text him when I leave the hospital.” My heart swells. “I know it’s a little obsessive, but I like it.”
“Good.” He pulls away, holding me at arm’s length. “Get used to it. Now you’re pregnant, he’s gonna be even more neurotic.”
Ash stirs in the bed next to us with a groan.
Kane squeezes my shoulder. “Do you need me to stay, or do you want some time alone with him?”
“I’ll be all right.” I wipe away the tears from my cheeks, grateful I never wore makeup today. It feels good letting my skin breathe, not to mention having to keep up the facade. None of us are perfect and keeping up appearances is exhausting.
Kane gazes at me with his piercing silvery eyes, as if he’s seeing me for the first time. It’s probably one of the rare occasions he’s seen me without makeup and probably the only time I’ve been out of the house without it. “If you need anything, just call me.” He lets go of my shoulder and steps aside to walk around me.
I nod, but grab his arm before he leaves. “What about you? Are you all right? I know all this must be triggering for you.”
His hand covers mine where I grip his arm. “You’re always worried about everyone else. Time to focus on you, Lil. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” He gives me a small smile before he leaves.
I drop into the chair and wait for Ash to wake up. I need to make sure he’s okay before I face my sister.
“Cup of tea?” Hazel asks as she does the rounds on the ward.
“Thanks, Hazel.” I take the paper cup from her and sip the warm drink as I read Ash’s chart.
Ash stirs again. He hisses through his teeth as he turns. “Son of a bitch.” His hand reaches across his body, holding his shoulder with another hiss from his lips.
“Ash, you’re in the hospital,” I say to comfort him, but he screws his face up. I can’t tell if it’s the sound of my voice making him wince or the pain from his shoulder. Or maybe it’s the realisation kicking in of last night’s events. “Do you remember what happened?”
He tilts his head to face me, squinting as the sun shines through the window. His speech more slurred than usual with the drugs and exhaustion, he says, “If you’re asking if I remember you confessing to fucking me over, then yes. I remember every fucking thing, unfortunately.” He drops his head back on the pillow and stares up at the ceiling.
Acid coats my tongue. “I’m sorry, Ash. Please forgive me. I was a stupid kid.” I will myself not to cry as if I have no right to cry about something that’s my own doing.
He doesn’t look at me and continues to stare at the ceiling. I’m not sure he’s even listening, but I have to get it all out.
“I hated Levi and your friends. They were always trying it on with me and you were always high, unable to do anything aboutit. I hated that you were a user. I hated it when you were like that.”
He snaps his head back to me, his eyes wide. “Did they touch you?” The concern in his voice gives me hope.
I shake my head. “They tried. I kicked Levi in the balls once.” I swallow the shame and guilt prickling my tonsils. “I hated that you hung out with them, and I wanted you to stop using. Mum was beside herself. She didn’t know what to do with you. Fern and Shane had tried to help you, but you pushed everyone away.”
His jaw clenches, lips forming a tight line as he breathes heavily through his nostrils. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” he mumbles, turning his head away from me.
Hope fills my heart that he still cares for me, at least, even if he doesn’t forgive me. “No, I’m sorry.” I take his free hand that isn’t in the sling.
I continue with my confession, fiddling with the rip in my jeans. “I heard Levi talking about robbing some rival gang, and I wanted him to pay.”
Ash winces as he adjusts in the bed. “So you thought it would be him getting arrested instead of me?”
If only it were that simple. I could lie and say yes, and I’m sure Ash would believe it and forgive me, but I’ve carried this guilt for so long. It’s time to be honest with the people I love. “I knew he wouldn’t be there. But I knew you would.” I look down at my hand clutching his, unable to let go in fear I’ll lose him forever.
