Lifeisway too short. If anyone knows that it’s me. Twenty years have gone in the blink of an eye. But I won’t waste the next twenty years. I slip the book back into my hoodie pocket and shift the jar of violets from the shade.
“I made a promise to you long ago that I’d take care of her, regardless of who her biological father was. Loving her would always be easy, because she’s a part of you. But I never imagined I’d fallin lovewith her. If she’ll let me, I’ll take care of her for the rest of my life.”
All the air leaves my lungs as I exhale. Will she still want me after everything I’ve done? I tilt my head down, saying another silent prayer for forgiveness. With my eyes closed, the sun’s rays warms my forehead. I lift my face to the blinding light, as if Ali is bathing me in her celestial light. A warmth washes over me, taking with it a weight from my shoulders.
My body jerks with each silent sob that wracks through me. I’ve carried this guilt for so long, I don’t know what to do with myself now the weight is lifted.
Staring at the violets in the jar, I desperately need to get my girl.
50
VIOLET
The door chimes as I walk into Jesse’s cafe by the lake. I’ve been meaning to call in and see the boys for a while, but I’ve been looking for a place to stay. Yaz’s parents let me stay with her while I save up some money.
I have the placement for uni, but it doesn’t start until September. I guess it’s my best option, even though I don’t really want to go. Somehow, recent events have zapped all my creativity and the last thing I want to do is write or do a creative writing course.
“Letty, I thought you’d skipped town,” Marie says from behind the counter, wearing her usual scowl.
“Sorry to disappoint you, Marie.” I can’t help smile at her annoyance. I used to think she was just jealous of the attention the boys gave me, but now I think she just really hates me. Whatev’s, the feeling’s mutual. “Is Jesse around?”
Jack appears from the kitchen, the gash on his head looking better and just a faint yellow bruise around the closed wound. “I thought I heard your voice.” He walks around the counter. “It’s good to see you. How have you been?”
I shrug. “I’m doing okay.”
“Are you still withhim?” He sounds much like Gareth, how he says the word with a bitter taste.
“Hesaved your life, remember?” My hand lifts a blonde curl from his forehead so I can get a better look at the scar up close. “Or do you have amnesia from your bump on the head?”
“He remembers.” Jesse corners the counter and pats him on the back. “Don’t you, Jack?”
Jack’s lips form a tight line. “Look. Just because the geezer carried me out of a burning building doesn’t mean I have to like him.” His gaze lifts to mine. “But I am grateful that you showed up when you did.”
“You shouldn’t have been there in the first place.” I huff, folding my arms across my chest.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, Letty. I only went to try to talk Dad out of doing something stupid. He had the shotguns in the Land Rover. I thought he was gonna kill him.”
“He probably would have if he’d been home. Crazy fuck.” I slide into a booth to take a load off and sigh.
Jesse slides into the seats opposite. “Did you hear Dad’s out on bail?”
I shake my head. My chest tightens. If he finds out where Kane is, he might try to finish the job. We haven’t seen each other since I left, but I cling to the hope that he’ll come back to me when he’s sorted his head out. I’ve texted him everyday just to let him know what I’m doing and that I’m still thinking about him. He rarely responds, but he never was much of a texter.
So far, everyone in my life has abandoned me, but I refuse to believe Kane’s like that. I know deep down he loves me, he just needs to figure out his shit and when he does, I’ll be waiting. Love like ours is worth fighting for, even if my heart is broken right now.
Jack places his hand on my shoulder, almost as if he can sense my anxiety. “Don’t worry. Dad isn’t allowed anywhere near you or your old man. It was the terms of his bail. He has a tag. He’s not even allowed back in town.”
“And we told him that’s the end of it. We’re drawing a line. The past is the past,” Jesse says.
“You really mean that?” I glance between them both, Jesse with his warm blue eyes and Jack with his icy ones. But today, both of them seem cloudy like the sky on a dull day.
“Nobody will hurt you from now on, Letty. I’m sorry for everything before.” Jesse runs a hand through his dirty blonde hair. “Everything Marie said was true. From the minute we found out you were staying at the farmhouse, we planned to use you to get back at him.”
My heart sinks. I knew this deep down. But hearing him admit it makes it all the more real and the hurt stings much worse.
“But that was before we got to know you. I’m sorry, Letty. Please believe me,” Jesse pleads with his sad eyes.
Jack sits in the booth next to me. “We’re both sorry, Letty.” He coughs, clearing his throat as if relieving the events of the fire chokes him up. “Can you forgive us?” His brow pulls together. “You have to believe I’m sorry.”
