I take a deep breath and try to settle my racing heart. “I wanted him to kiss me,” I finally reply softly.
Nia claps her hands together in excitement. “Anything else?”
I let out a light laugh because I know what she’s getting at. “Yeah, I wanted a lot more than kissing.”
My sister smirks knowingly. “You wanted to get well acquainted with his bed.”
“Be a little less crass, will you?”
“You know I won’t,” she shrugs. “But you’re deflecting again.”
“I hate you,” I groan, holding a throw pillow over my face. “Yes, Nia. I wanted him. What the hell do I do?”
“You fuck him.”
My sister couldn’t be eloquent if her life depended on it.
“I can’t fuck him, Ni.”
“Oh my Godddd,” she says with an exaggerated groan. “Stop living your life the way other people think you should. You neverdo anything foryourself.You should, and you should start by jumping into bed with the hot, tattooed Croatian.”
“I have no idea why I decided to ask you for help.”
“Because, deep down, you know exactly what you want to happen, and you know I’m the one that’s going to tell you to just go for it.”
I look over at Nia in surprise.
Is she right? I could’ve asked Bet or Isla to come over, but I know exactly what they would have said. Isla won’t mix business with pleasure, and I don’t think Bet could break the rules if she tried.
But Nia? Nia has never been one to do what everyone else says. My sister is a free spirit, living for herself while trying to be the best possible mom and wife to Nova and Ty.
Maybe, subconsciously, I did ask her to come over because I knew she’d tell me what Iwantedto hear, not what Ineededto hear.
“So,” she asks, “when did you start liking Cameron?”
I sit up now, resting my hands on my thighs. “I don’t know. I feel like it happened slowly, until I suddenly realized I could see him as more than just a friend. So much has changed since this team was created, and Cam is actually really fucking incredible. I was so wrong about him before.”
“Then stop worrying and go for it,” Nia asserts. “I told you before that man has it bad for you. Give in and have a little fun for once.”
I’ve always been so careful and cautious, so afraid of doing the wrong thing and having it negatively impact the way I’m perceived.
It’sexhausting.
But can I really let go of that and just live for me?
Can I really let loose and stillbeme?
The rink is where I’ve always been able to clear my head.
Nia’s words still ring through my mind, and I’m hoping some ice time will give me some much-needed clarity.
I head to our practice rink and suit up, grabbing my stick before walking to the ice, and I’m surprised to find I’m not alone when I get there.
“What are you doing here?” I shout, getting Lev’s attention from the other side of the rink where he’s working on his movements.
Lev skates over to me and pulls off his helmet. “I could probably ask you the same thing, Cap,” he chuckles.
“Co-captain,” I sigh. “And I’m just here for a little extra practice. The rink has always been good at helping me clear my head.”
