So what if she does? It’ll suck, no doubt about that, but at least I will have tried. I would rather show her I wanted to be there for her than fall short if she needed me. Turning out of one rodeo and jumping on a flight is an easy decision. Letting Jessie grieve alone has been killing me—I’ve thought about her every day. I’m still struggling myself to come to terms with the fact that Dot is gone; it has to be a hundred times worse for Jessie.
“I’m really worried about her, Trey.”
“Okay, I’ll book a flight. I might not be able to make it in time for the funeral, but I’ll come see her.”
“Thanks, Trey. I’ve never seen her like this. She’s scaring me.”
She hangs up, and I book a flight on my phone before I finish packing my gear.
My flight was delayed. Dot’s late-morning service is graveside only. A small group of people gather around the grave, and I don’t want to disturb the service by joining ten minutes late. So, I stand back and watch.
A few of the pastor’s words float on the breeze in my direction. “Dorothy and Edward moved to town after the war and became active, vital members of the community.”
Jessie faces away from me, but I can see the tension in her shoulders. She stands perfectly still in her black dress pants and light-purple top. Kacey’s on one side of her and Cody’s on the other, but she doesn’t reach out to either for comfort. I get my first glimpse of her face when she lays a lavender rose on the coffin.
Fuck.
Kacey was right, it’s not just the dark circles that have me concerned. It’s the numb look on her face. I can tell she’s sad, but she’s fighting it so hard she doesn’t look like she’s feeling anything at all.
The service ends, and people give Jessie their condolences before dispersing back to their cars. Kacey and Cody are the last to leave. I see them hesitate, but whatever Jessie says must convince them to leave her be.
I wait several minutes while she stands at the still-open grave. Workers patiently wait at the edge of the cemetery, ready to finish the burial.
My eyes burn for the first time today as I make my way to the grave. Jessie stands quietly, fists clenched. I tuck my hands into my pockets as I approach.
The dry grass crunches beneath my feet.
“I told you I’m fine, Kacey.”
“You going to lie to me, too?”
Jessie whips around, wide-eyed.
“I hope it’s okay that I’m here. I couldn’t go another day without seeing you. And I’d like to say goodbye to a good friend of mine.” I take a step past her, putting me closer to the gravesite.
Loving wife, mother, and grandmother,the headstone reads, but to Jessie she was more than that, she was everything good and kind in the world—and now the world feels dimmer without her.
Seeing Dot’s service, her grave—the finality of her death hits me hard. I’ll never get to hear another story about her and Edward, never share another rodeo tale with her. Dot’s gone, and even though I only knew her for a few months, my chest aches with the grief at the thought of never getting to see her again.
“Damn it, Dot. We had plans.” I sniff.
“Trey,” Jessie’s voice cracks behind me.
I turn and see her lip trembling. “Come here, baby.”
She launches at me, and I wrap her in my arms. Sobs wrack her body, the grief coming off her in waves. I hold her as she finally lets it all out.
“I–I d–didn’t get to say g–goodbye,” she cries.
“I’m so sorry. She loved you so much, and she knew you loved her back.”
“What do I do? I don’t know what to do.”
I rub her back and kiss the side of her head. How do I answer that? She lost the most important person in her life. “I don’t know. But one day at a time, and you’ll figure it out. You have so many people who care about you, Jessie. Let them be there for you.”
She nods, holding me tighter.
When her crying turns to silent tears, I kiss the top of her head. “Come on, let’s go home.”
