Izzy wasn’t going to lie and say her heart wasn’t hurting, but if she could get them back to where they were, she had to try.“It’s fine that you don’t see me that way. I’ll never be….” She didn’t finish the sentence. She was happy with herself, and she wasn’t going to change to become something Luka wanted, even if she knew what that was. She closed her eyes, took a breath, opened them again, and started over. “We can be friends again. We were like family once. I… want that.” She forced her lips to turn up. “Maybe you can come for lunch sometime. You can bring your….” Gods, this was hard. She swallowed and waved toward his room, as if that explained it. She couldn’t say the words. “You can bring whoever you want.”
Luka stood so suddenly, he crashed into the desk, rattling the plates. He didn’t seem to notice as he marched around to stand in front of her. Scales shimmered over his neck, and when he spoke, his beast’s rumble echoed in his voice. “I don’t deserve you, Izzy. And the gods know I have missed your friendship more than you can imagine. But first…” He let out a rough breath. “First, I have one thing to say about you not being… whatever it is you think you’re not, and then we’ll see if you’refine.”
But he didn’t say anything. He bent down and kissed her.
Chapter
Fourteen
This was a terrible idea.Luka was mortified when Izzy apologized, and when she said she made him uncomfortable, he’d wanted to howl. He wasn’t uncomfortable. Well, he was, but not in the way she thought. She’d blamed herself, thought less of herself, and then she’d invited him to bring another woman to her house and said it wasfine.
It wasn’t fine. Nothing was fine. And all he’d been able to think about was touching her. He’d held himself back, stayed far away, because she was so fucking close and she smelled so fucking good and he wanted to touch her more than he wanted to breathe. And now he was.
This is a brilliant idea,his beast purred.
Izzy froze beneath him, and Luka pulled back, half expecting her to push him away. But she didn’t. She looked up at him with wide eyes, shimmering sapphire pulsing at her throat. “Luka?”
It was the uncertainty in her voice that did it. He loomed over her, one hand resting on each of the chair’s arms, and leaned in again. He moved more slowly, giving her time. Letting her say the words. To point out that this was a terrible idea. That she’d literally just asked to be friends. That he’d hurt her too many times. But she didn’t. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, and thenshe licked her lips, just for a second, a tiny touch of her tongue, and he was lost.
He didn’t deserve her. He was responsible for Rayan’s death. He had no idea how to be what she needed. He was terrified of finally having her and then losing her again. But nothing—not even the gods themselves coming down from the mountain—could stop him from tasting her.
He sipped at her mouth, nibbling and licking, and she flowed open, tilting her head to fit them perfectly together. Her hands rose, one to rest on his chest, the other to curl around his nape, settling against his skin, and pull him closer.
Luka’s beast purred louder—a long, low rumble of delight as he slid his hands beneath her and lifted her, turning them both so he could sit with her cradled on his lap.
He settled his hand on her cheek, stroking her soft skin with his thumb and then closed his mouth over hers once more. She murmured softly, nestling closer as he moved his other hand to her back, stroking up her side.
She melted into him, just as she’d done in the sky. Only now he could touch every part of her. Now he could concentrate entirely on her.
The air between them heated as their kiss grew deeper, heavier. Gods, he wanted to turn her to straddle him. He wanted to strip those tight breeches off her shapely legs and run his hands over every part of her. He wanted to taste her skin. He wanted her heat sliding over his aching cock. Gods, he hurt. He needed her so badly. She slid a hand under his shirt, trailing over his chest to settle right over his heart, and that hurt too.
Do it. Take her to bed. Make her ours.
Fuck. He’d seen how she’d looked at his bed, and he’d had a good idea what she’d been thinking. Nothing good. What in the Abyss was he doing? What if he lost her completely this time?
Izzy must have sensed the change in him, because she pulled back. Her pupils were blown wide, her cheeks flushed. Soft tendrils of loose hair had escaped her rough braid and curled around her face. For the first time in his life, Luka wished he were an artist. He wished he could capture this image and hold it with him forever.
It is already captured. I will hold it,his beast murmured.
“What happened?” Izzy asked, a line settling between her brows. He wanted to wipe it away.
“I kissed you.”
Her frown deepened. “I noticed.” She looked like she was trying hard not to roll her eyes. “And then what happened?”
He wanted to lie. To say that he’d realized how late it was and that they had to get some sleep. Or that the chair was uncomfortable. Or he’d heard a noise. Or literally anything other than the truth. That he was fucking terrified. And when he was afraid or hurt, he only knew one solution: close it down, bite his tongue, and go to work.
His mother left when he was five. She’d wanted something different—or more—than his father could give. Or perhaps it was Luka himself who couldn’t give her what she needed. Either way, he was left with his father and grandfather, and what they understood was duty. Responsibility. Hard work. They kept their thoughts close, their feelings closer, and they never showed emotion. They did not expect, or tolerate, failure. In their eyes, vulnerability was a sin. And yet… shutting down, walking away, staying silent… none of that had worked for him. Perhaps if he’d been honest with Rayan, things would have been different.
His beast snorted.Perhaps if you’d been honest withIzzy, things would have been different.
True. And Izzy was already withdrawing. The flush was fading from her cheeks, leaving dark rings under her eyes. Shelooked away. “It’s late. We’re both tired.” She moved, about to stand and?—
“Please don’t go,” he blurted, immediately regretting the stupid words, the neediness. Thank the gods he hadn’t told her how afraid he was.
But Izzy stopped moving. Her head tilted to the side as she listened, her eyes on his once more.
Fuck, this was hard. “I… lost Rayan.” Why did his voice sound so rough? He cleared his throat. “And I already lost—”His beast thrashed its tail, and he tried again, taking responsibility this time. “I pushed you away. I don’t want to lose you again.”
