Izzy softened, turning back to face him as her hand settled on his cheek. She looked at him for a long moment and then rested her forehead on his. “I won’t hurt you,” she whispered.
She almost certainly was going to hurt him, but not intentionally. He wasn’t ready to explain it to her. How could he tell her that, deep in his heart, he was still all alone? That he wanted a home but had no idea how to make one? He couldn’t tell her, but he could explain part of it. He could admit his guilt for all the things he’d said… and hadn’t said. “Idon’t want to hurtyou.”
“So don’t.”
He chuckled. If only it were that simple. And he still had to undo some of the old wounds he’d caused. “I don’t bring women to my room,” he confessed quietly.
A flicker of scales settled on her throat, but she didn’t look away.
“In fact, I, ah… mostly just work. And when I’m not working, I….” He tried to think of what he did when he wasn’t working. When Rayan was alive, he’d spent time with the others. They’d gone to taverns together, they’d flown over the mountain in an unruly mass, they’d played cards, and swum in the sea. Whenlast had he done anything like that? He didn’t even train with the others now; he ran drills alone or sparred with Ryland.
Never ending dullness. Just like I said.
“I just work and sleep,” he admitted, “and I don’t sleep enough.”
Izzy gave him a small smile. “I’m the same.”
Gods. He didn’t want that for her. She deserved so much more. He couldn’t give her everything she deserved, and he couldn’t give her anything forever, but he could give her a few moments of peace. “Rest now,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her a little closer.
“We shouldbothrest,” Izzy murmured as she tucked herself against his chest, her head under his chin, her body slowly relaxing into his. “It’ll look better in the morning.”
Offer her more! Take this chance!
He could, but should he? They’d been through a lot over the last few hours, and their past was long and complicated. She lived in the city now—she’d made a life there—and his life was here inside the castle. There was no real chance for them.
Don’t be ridiculous, of course there’s a chance. You’re using the castle walls as an excuse to keepyourselfsafe.His beast rumbled, aggravated, and Izzy stirred softly.
Gods of the mountain, help him. Maybe thiswashis chance to finally touch her, to kiss her and hold her and know her. Tomorrow, she would be gone again. “Izzy?”
She didn’t answer. Her breathing stayed even, her body soft and warm in his arms. Her breaths settled into a gentle snore, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She was already asleep. She must have been utterly exhausted.
She feels safe.
Luka almost wished she didn’t. Her trust didn’t make him any less terrified. If anything, it made it worse.
He sat in the firelight, holding the woman he’d dreamed of for so long, and closed his eyes, but he couldn’t settle into sleep. Dawn was close now, and he wanted to remember this moment, but his brain kept churning through memories of the day, sorting facts and reviewing scenes. The feast. Shane flirting. Narya clapping as the dancers leaped and twirled to the heavy drumbeat. Sitting in the old tavern alone. Dashiell rushing in. The dead woman’s cold skin. The archthane’s anger. Izzy’s forgiveness. Izzy’s hurt.
And that brought back the older wounds. Rayan’s hurt. Rayan’s death.“He was working on something,”Izzy had said.“It’s not my fault Narya wanted to go off with that physik,”the maid had muttered.“Something feels off,”Ryland grunted.“The city isn’t safe,”Dashiell said, again and again in Luka’s head.
What the fuck was happening in his city? In hishome? How could he protect the people he loved? How could he protect Izzy?
Dawn would come far too soon, and then he had to set Izzy’s warmth aside and get back to work. The world was full of danger, and he had no idea where the threat would come from next.
Chapter
Fifteen
Izzy woke alonein an unfamiliar bed. The sheets were worn smooth and smelled of Luka, and the scent soothed her. Their conversation last night might have seemed like a dream if her beast hadn’t been preening so smugly.
She opened her eyes and blinked. The room was dark, except for the low, red flicker of the fire. She’d slept for a short while, but the sun wasn’t up yet.
A shape came closer, and she recognized Luka’s broad shoulders as he leaned down. “Izzy? Are you awake?”
“Mm-hmm.” She pushed herself onto one arm, trying to see him more clearly. The last thing she remembered was trying to reassure Luka, to let him know that he was safe with her. But thenshe’dfelt safe. His warm strength had surrounded her, and her beast had settled—fully, completely settled—for the first time in years.
“I have to go,” he murmured. “I have a meeting with the guards about to start their shift, and then I need to see Ryland and find out if he learned anything before I meet Shane.”
She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to get her brain moving. “Wait. What do you mean, beforeyoumeet Shane?”
