At least Izzy’s here.His beast flicked its tail, and then it chortled.And she needs somewhere to sleep.
Fuck. Izzy would have to stay in his room—beautiful and perfect and pretending to be his.
Chapter
Thirteen
So this wasLuka’s room. Izzy stepped inside and looked around. An office area held a desk—set so that the user had their back to the wall and a clear view of the door—while nearby shelves were filled with books and piles of parchment. A large map of the Kingdom of Hugaeb, a more detailed map of the city, and pages of guard rosters were nailed to the wall near the desk. An armchair sat across from the working area, positioned beside the fireplace and beneath the small window, its leather faded from use and sunshine. A screen created something of a division, not-quite hiding the crisply made bed behind it, or the small washstand that held a bowl, a neatly folded towel, and a gleaming razor.
Someone, probably Cori, had left Izzy’s satchel just inside the door. It looked battered and out of place compared to the spotless order of Luka’s quarters.
She glanced back at him, taking in the scales still gleaming on his throat, the smudges beneath his eyes, and the heavy stubble over his jaw. Even tired and worried, he called to her. What would it feel like to skim her fingers over his lips or thread them through his thick hair? To offer him comfort and take solace in return?
Her eyes fell on the bed once more.I like the castle women, and they like me.She couldn’t control her flinch. How many women had slept in that bed? Laughing as they pressed together in the small space? How many had run their hands through his hair? Had he heldthemsafely through the night?
Gods, this was a terrible idea. What if there was someone who claimed him? Had she created a disaster by saying she was with him?
She opened her mouth to apologize for putting him in such an awkward position, but before she could, someone knocked at the door and Luka pulled it open to admit a pair of young soldiers. One strode in with a steaming pitcher and set it beside the washbowl before moving to light the fire. The other set a platter of rolls, cold meat, and cheese on the desk, along with a jug of cold water and a couple of wooden cups. Both soldiers cast quick glances at her out of the corner of their eyes. Was she so very different to the women Luka usually entertained?
Forget about the other women, her beast muttered.We’re just as good as they are.
Yes, she agreed silently. We’re moving forward. We’re letting go of… all of this.
That’s not?—
Luka cleared his throat, and the two soldiers dipped their heads in quick bows and then strode from the room. He closed the door behind them and then leaned back on it as if he might flee out of it at any moment.
“Help yourself.” He waved an arm stiffly around the room, as if offering it.
Judging by the tension in his neck and the rigidity in his frame, he was even less comfortable with her in his room than she was. In a way, it helped. It reminded her that those moments with his drake—when he seemed as delighted to see her as she was to see him—weren’t real life. More than that, it remindedher that Luka was human. A tired, overworked, overstressed human. One she cared for.
Izzy pulled her boots off, walked over to the pitcher, poured hot water into the bowl, and washed her hands and face. It felt magical. The fresh towel—slightly scratchy and smelling of detergent—was like heaven. She sighed, running her fingers through her loose hair. She should have tied it up earlier, but she’d run out of the house without thinking of it, and now it was knotted and tangled. She braided it as best she could and then made her way to the food.
Luka didn’t move from his safe place at the door, and she didn’t push him. She filled a roll with ham and cheese and then took it with her to the armchair. There was only one, but he’d said to help herself, so she sat, sinking into the leather, and took a bite. The bread was warm and chewy, fresh from the oven as the barracks kitchen prepared food for the day, and the ham and cheese were salty and filling.
Luka finally stepped away from the support of the door and pulled off his outer armor, placing it neatly on a shelf. Then he made himself a roll, sat at his desk, and ate it slowly.
The fire crackled, and the room slowly warmed as they ate. As the minutes passed, the tension in her shoulders slowly seeped away. Izzy closed her eyes while she chewed, sinking deeper into the armchair. It was far more comfortable than it looked.
Her beast was right. She had to forget about the other women. She missed Luka. Missed his friendship. Missed the way he considered everything so carefully and his innate protectiveness and loyalty. She missed his laugh.
Shewas the one who’d tried to make it into something more. Something it wasn’t. She’d been hurt when he didn’t want what she wanted, and she knew he hated that, hated hurting people. Maybe all the times he’d pushed her away since thenwere simply an attempt to make sure she didn’t put him in that position again? Maybe he thought she was going to pressure him somehow? Gods, no wonder he was so uncomfortable.
Izzy looked across at Luka. He’d slumped slightly in his hard chair, so unlike his usual perfect posture. He would have been working extremely hard for weeks to organize this delegation, and he’d been under extraordinary pressure the last few hours, including shifting to beast and back twice.
She finished her supper and took a long sip of cold water. It was fresh and almost sweet. She would have liked to hide behind her meal a little longer, but that wasn’t her way. She wanted her friend back, and it was up to her to take the first step. “I’m sorry, Luka,” she said quietly.
His eyes flew to hers. “What for?”
Izzy resisted the temptation to rub her arms. It was hard to give up the last stubborn hope that one day he might change his mind, but this was the right thing to do. “I’m sorry for foisting myself on you like this.”
“What?” He stared at her, not even blinking.
Gods, how was she going to explain? “I know how much you give to the castle, to the Royal Family. And I… I realize that I make you uncomfortable.” She frowned. “I’m not saying all the things you’ve said over these years weren’t a bit harsh—” He started to speak, but she held up her hand and kept going. “—but I would like to be friends again. I understand why you said we can never be together. That’s fine. Can we move past it now? Please.”
“You understand…,” he repeated slowly. “What do you understand? What is fine exactly?”
It’s not fine! This isn’t what I meant!Her beast thrashed its tail, but she had to keep going.
