“Are you sure that you’ll be OK to drive?” Tessa asked.
“I’ll be fine, honestly. Say goodbye to Gerry and the others for me?”
Jenny looked around her, but in the meantime much of the crowd had dispersed and many of the other mourners - Roan included - had left.
For some reason she’d assumed that when she finally came face-to-face with him again, it would be different - more emotionally heightened. But in the end, it had been … anticlimactic.
He had barely even acknowledged her.
53
Feeling strangely empty, Jenny left the pub and headed out to the small car park at the rear of the building.
Getting into her car, she switched on the ignition; her vision blurring a little as she slowly made her way out, and had just reached the roadside exit when she noticed a figure run up beside the car at the passenger side.
“What do you want?” She rolled down the window, still unable to look him in the eye.
Roan began to say something, then stopped, putting both hands in his trouser pockets. “I saw you leave and I just wanted to –”
At that moment, Aidan came out a side door of the pub and wandered in their direction.
“For goodness sake, get in,” Jenny snapped impatiently. She wasn’t quite sure why, but she didn’t want anyone to see them together.
Roan obliged and she put the car into gear, speedingout of the lot and down the street, her thoughts going much faster than the speedometer.
Neither of them said anything until they were a little outside the village.
“Where are you staying?” Jenny asked, keen to break the silence and despite herself, completely unnerved by his proximity. “Not many hotels around these parts.”
“At the Skylon, near the airport.”
She exhaled. “I can drop you back on the way if you’d like.”
“That would be brilliant, thanks.”
Spurred by a combo of nerves and confusion, Jenny drove much faster than she would normally allow herself, especially on such narrow and winding backroads. She was so aware of him, so conscious of the familiar scent of him. He looked good too.
When they reached the main road, Roan finally said something.
“How have you been?” he asked again, this time with a little more feeling.
“Fine,” Jenny said, trying to keep her voice even. “I didn’t expect to see you here today. I knew that you and Shane had kept in touch, but I didn’t think you were that close.”
“Shane was a nice guy,” said Roan with a slight American twang, “for some reason, we just kept up messaging one another - Aidan too. It was pretty lonely out there at the beginning. I didn’t know many others in the New York office and the company put me up in a hotel until I could sort out a place of my own.”
“Didn’t Cara go out there too?” Jenny asked bitterly before she could stop herself. “I’m sure she would have kept you company.”
Damn - why had she said that? Now he would know she still cared.
“This is why I caught up with you back there. I know you’re still angry with me, and you’ve every right to be. Look, pull in and we’ll go somewhere where we can talk properly – not like this. You’re getting yourself all worked up. Please – you’ll get us both killed,” he added, trying to make light of the situation, before realising that given the day that was in it the quip was in very bad taste. “I mean … you know what I meant, sorry. Let’s just take a breather.”
Satisfied at the realisation that after all this time she was the one makinghimfeel uncomfortable; Jenny eased off on the accelerator. He was right. They needed to talk. Maybe then she could get some answers, but a part of her wasn’t quite sure whether or not she wanted to hear them.
A few miles further down, she pulled in and parked the car at a picnic area in a lay-by just off the main road. Although it was late in the day, a few daytrippers were still present at the small wooden picnic benches, undoubtedly taking advantage of the unexpected fine weather and the gorgeous views out towards Dublin Bay.
She and Roan sat side by side at the nearest vacant table.
“Now that you’re here, I’m not sure what to say,” hesaid quietly. “I’ve rehearsed this conversation a thousand times in my head but now I don’t know where to start.”
