His swallows mine, and I can’t help but look at his dark mahogany against my light brown. The heritage of my white mother shows itself even when I want to erase her entirely.
“Shouldn’t I be with someone I want? I don’t think I should need anyone.”
“And that right there is the problem. I want you to find someone you can’t live without. Sometimes I feel like you would be perfectly okay being alone.” He points one finger at me, the lecture starting up.
I take a long sip of my drink, needing a moment to digest what he is saying.
“I spoke incorrectly before. I do need you and Farrah. I just don’t want to need my partner. That seems unhealthy.”
If you make someone your lungs, then how do you breathe when they leave you? I still feel like I am using an inhaler every time I remember that I only have one parent.
“It’s not unhealthy. Why be with someone you can take or leave? Relationships are hard. Sometimes you won’t want that person anymore. Especially now with so many options. You need something more than that to keep you committed.”
I want to ask him how that worked out for him, but I don’t need to. His never remarrying says enough.
He, of course, has someone he thinks I should date, who happens to be coming over for his New Year’s Eve party. I tell him I will entertain the idea, even though I know that our tastes are very different. That’s good enough for him.
Like we always do, we talk until the sun sets, and then he has to end the night early to get a good sleep.
I head up to my old room and take in the comfort of being in this place that made me happy. Looking around at where it all started does stir something inside of me. The pictures of ballerinas on the wall. The dance competition trophies lined up on my shelf. This is where I learned to love it all, so maybe being home will remind me why.
Chapter 2
Ifitweren’timpressiveenough that Charlie made it to college with no one to support him, he had to stunt on us all by opening a successful book publishing business that has had books hit the New York Times bestseller list. Despite all the odds, he found something that makes him money, which he also loves. I used to feel the same way, and now I’m envious of him.
Pushing that to the side, I walk into his building and make my way up to the floor housing his offices. It’s the first time I’m seeing him since our last attempt at a relationship fell apart. I don’t know why I started texting him back or what I’m doing here now, but I know it’s probably going to lead to sex. I would feel ashamed, but it’s been a while.
His long-time assistant Rowan is sitting right outside his door. Her wide smile peels across her face when she looks up from her computer.
“Hey, hunny bunny,” I say, walking up.
She loses the battle not to stand up and hug me.
“You’re back!” she yells while throwing herself into my arms.
“For now,” I say, laughing.
She steps back and makes her way to her chair. Pulling her long brown hair into a ponytail, her carved cheeks and beautiful green eyes shine even more. Our eye color is one of the things we initially bonded over. The rarity of our green instantly made us connect. Our curves were the second thing, both too big to fit the norm. Her eccentric fashion made me quick to admire her personality.
“He’s in a meeting, but should be done in a few minutes.”
I nod and slide onto the edge of her desk. She leans back in her chair and rests her folded hands on her belly.
“You still haven’t shown him your book, have you?” I ask.
She doesn’t even need to say no, based on the look on her face. Her muscles freeze in this slight frown, eyes losing that glint that speaks to her vivacious temperament.
“I will one day,” she lies while shrugging the whole thing off. I wish she would do it. Talented beyond measure, her hidden manuscripts should be turned into the books she loves to read. It’s the whole reason she applied for this job. It was her way into the publishing industry, and hopefully her chance to make connections. Now that she has them, she has no excuse.
“I’ve read them, your other friends have read them. Lady, what is stopping you from letting Charlie read them?”
“We can’t all be as brave as you.” Her pale cheeks flush with a slight pink as she sinks further into the chair.
If only my bravado were enough to make me satisfied in my life. We have in common the fact that we both don’t know how to take the next step. If anything, I’m no better off than she is.
“Are you going back to Boston for Christmas?” I ask, leaving her be.
“Yeah, first time since I started here. I know my family will be really happy to see me. What are you doing?” Enthralled by this new topic, she sits up and places her hands on her desk.
