“My dad has to work, so I’ll probably just watch some Christmas movies and eat sugar cookies.” Not a bad night if you ask me.
Since my nana passed away, I don’t really have any other options but Farrah, and I don’t want to be a fifth wheel to her and her parents.
“No! Come with me to Boston. You can’t spend Christmas alone.” Her eyes brighten.
“Nah, the tickets are probably crazy last minute, and I can’t impose like that.”
“The ticket is like a hundred and fifty dollars right now, and we would love to have you. Honestly, my parents live to host, and my siblings would be so happy to meet someone I know from San Francisco.”
The idea of meeting her five siblings seems more daunting than moving to an entirely new city did. Having grown up in a small family, I can’t even imagine what dinner with that many people would look like. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t spent a Christmas with white people since I was twelve. What kind of trauma will that bring up, being surrounded by a reflection of people who rejected me?
I trust Rowan. She has shown through years of friendship that she is an ally. But should I take the risk and expect the same thing from her family? I just don’t want to subject myself to any scrutiny that might be triggering. And will I have the support I need if I do?
“I don’t know.”
“Please come. I promise you’ll have a good time, not to mention I have three hot, single brothers.”
The laugh that flies out of my mouth is involuntary as yet another person is looking to set me up.
“Don’t tell me you don’t think I should be with Charlie, too?”
“All I’ll say is that before you started seeing each other, I was diverting women like it was in my job description. I don’t think he is ready to settle down.”
“I don’t date white guys,” I say, not at all concerned to offend her. If she knew anything about my past, she would understand why.
“Valid, but I promise my brothers are the exception.”
Before I can respond, the door opens and a man walks out. Charlie follows behind and stops in his tracks when he sees me. I look him up and down, taking in his lean form that still fills out his fitted suit. The dark green of the blazer sings against his rich brown skin.
“You’re early,” he says, showing me his beautiful white teeth.
“Yeah, I wanted to catch up with Rowan first.”
He nods in her direction.
“You have an hour until your next meeting,” she says with a wink.
I would blush, but I’m not ashamed. It doesn’t stop her smirk as she watches us walk into his office.
He closes the door and instantly pulls me into his arms. Before his lips can land on mine, I hold up my hand.
“You asked to talk. We need to do that before we start getting it in.”
Letting me go, he moves over to the couch and gestures for me to join him. Landing on his lap, I try to ignore his arousal pressing against me.
“We have been on-and-off for the last two years. I’m tired of that. I want things to get real between us,” he says.
The insinuation that we are fake rubs me the wrong way. The entirety of our lack of seriousness is on him. Time and time again,I give him a chance to prove himself, and almost every chance, he shows me he can’t be a mature adult. Then I take a couple of months to cool off before the cycle begins again. I’m pretty sure I’m still here because I don’t want to start something else. At this moment, I don’t even know if I want anything with anyone.
I sigh and adjust on his lap. “Charlie—”
“Before you say anything, let me state my case.”
I nod, and he continues.
“I’ve been doing the work. I know in the past I’ve acted childish, and you have felt like you had to raise me, but that’s done. I didn’t have a father to teach me how to be a man, and my grandma tried her best, but now I am one, and it’s up to me to be one, and I want to be your man.”
I rub my hand across his fade and down his face until I’m holding his cheek. His beard, smoothed and trimmed, feels nice against my hand. The way he leans into my touch makes that part of me that loves him sing a little louder.
