Pinching it a little, she pats it and then kisses where her hand was. The gesture is so motherly that something blossoms in my chest in the hole that my own mother left. I embrace it, letting it help me heal.
“Believe me, I will be in contact constantly,” I say.
“Good, then go ahead and call me Ma.”
I smile and eagerly agree.
We talk about my recovery journey a little bit more. I’m more comfortable discussing the diagnosis now that I’m through it. Even though I’m still trying to determine what normal is.
After we talk, I help Mary and Rowan with dinner. While we cook and laugh, we can hear our dads doing the same in the living room. This house is filled with so much love that you can’t help but feel welcomed in it. I know I do, and I’m looking forward to coming back to this every year. Talking about the future only solidifies that.
“You’re going to have to learn to make colcannon, that’s Callahan’s favorite. Don’t worry, it’s easy,” Mary says.
“I was actually thinking, if it’s okay, that I would make some of my family’s dishes for Christmas as well. Maybe some mac and cheese and collard greens.” I smile up at her while continuing to stir the stew. If this is my forever, then I need to make sure our cultures blend. Especially for my dad, to show him how it should be.
“I would love that! Wouldn’t you love that, Rowan?”
“I know I would,” Declan says, looking up from his book.
We plan out how the cooking will go that day while we finish up.
After setting dinner on the table, we all sit and pray. My dad watches them talking to each other with bright eyes. The chaos ofthem all yelling as they try and get their word in fills the room in a way that he has never experienced before.
“Don’t mind us, Darrel, we are a rowdy bunch,” Cormac says, looking around at his family.
“It’s nice. It’s almost always just been me and Monty. This is the most people we have ever had dinner with.”
“We had to get the table custom-built to fit all of us and extras,” Mary says.
“You’ll need more now that we’re having kids. You know me and Callahan want six, and I’m already two in,” Finn says, holding up his new baby. His wife and I both stare at him like he is crazy. Callahan and him high-five before they grab their women and plant a kiss on them. I can’t stop laughing even while pushing him away.
“I wouldn’t be mad at that,” my dad says.
Cormac only looks at Finn and smiles, and I can feel Callahan tense up next to me. I grab his hand to remind him that I’m here, and that someone sees he’s enough.
They all start planning all of our futures, and I don’t know who looks more terrified, me or Declan. Connor looks excited, and Quinn indifferent. I can see in Rowan that she wants that too.
As much as the idea of having that many damn kids seems like the worst idea, the possibility of having a family like this feels tempting.
When dinner is done, I show my dad outside to their backyard. As he looks around, I grab a snowball and whip it at him. Like I did last year, he looks horrified, until he is scooping his own handful and throwing it back at me.
Our screams and laughter have the others running out, and soon we are in an all-out big fight with a bunch of people.
Seeing the way the corners of my dad’s eyes crinkle and his cheeks pull tight, I can’t help but love them even more for giving this to him. For giving it to us.
We spend the rest of the night in this joy, talking, laughing, and just basking in one another’s presence. This is my family now, and I plan to make sure that they know how important they are to me. Especially Callahan.
Chapter 35
Christmasisperfect.Fromwaking up to them yelling at the TV, to cooking in the kitchen, and finally seeing all of their faces when they taste my dishes. Two cultures gather at the table in the form of food, African American and Irish American. They blend in a way that our families are forever going to as we add more people to the mix.
Looking around and seeing how easy it is for us to come together, I have to wonder again why it was so hard for my parents. Callahan promised me it would be different with us, and it is. I’m going to make sure all of us, including him, feel loved and welcomed.
As everyone sinks into their post-meal quiet, I ask Cormac if I can speak to him alone.
We go on to the back porch just the two of us and sit on the steps. Our breath is visible as a fog, but we grip our coffees to keep us warm.
“What’s up, lass?” He rubs his salt and pepper beard while giving me a small smile. When he does it, he looks so much like his son.
