I go right to Callahan’s and my place. I have been living there since my party. From the day I brought all my stuff in, it felt right. The same way that he has always felt right. I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
I throw my bag by the door and make my way into the bedroom. He has his stuff all over the bed as he packs.
“My sweet, sweet mechanic, guess what?”
He tries to pull me into his arms, but I fight back. I’m too sweaty. He doesn’t seem to care as he kisses up and down my slick neck.
“Callahan!”
“Mhm,” he says against my throat. I swat at him until he finally lets go.
I sit on the floor, not wanting to get on the bed like this. He slides down across from me. Stuck between the frame and the wall, our knees are touching, and our hands are holding on to each others.
“I’m going to buy it.”
His eyes light up, and before I can say anything else, I’m pulled into his lap.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m done. I’m walking away from the stage.”
“Are you okay with that?”
This last year has been me fighting the truth I knew all along. I love to dance, but I no longer want to dance for other people. Every moment where it has just been me dancing for the fun of it has felt asspecial as it did when I was first learning it all. I needed this wake-up call and break to reconnect with my passion.
Somewhere along the way, I lost the part of myself that danced just for the joy of it. For years now, it’s been about dancing for acclaim and recognition. I became a different person than who I was at the start.
This whole time, I’ve been fighting to get back to that version of myself, all while knowing it was gone. It’s time to lay who I was to rest and embrace this new era in my life.
“I don’t know why I thought not dancing on stage meant I never got to dance again, but just because no one’s watching doesn’t mean it’s not still beautiful. I don’t need the applause anymore. I just need the music.” Which I can hear again. Every melody and beat is as clear as my own thoughts.
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me tight to his chest.
“I’m so happy for you, love.”
“So that means you are okay with me living here permanently?”
His smile is infectious as it peels across his face. He yells his joy and then lifts us both, throwing me on top of his clothes. By the time he is done expressing his answer, I’m more sweaty than I was before, and we have to do laundry.
A week later, we are in Boston for Christmas.
Stepping out of the airport, my dad instantly shivers and pulls his jacket tighter around himself. The way he looks at me shows his regret, but I point to the snowflakes floating down, and a little bit of it wanes as interest takes over. This is his first time seeing this much snow in person, and I know, like me, he can’t wait to take in the winter wonderland.
We both stare in awe out the window as we drive to Callahan’s family’s house. We were going to get a hotel, but they insisted that we stay with them. Mary went as far as to say she would be offended if we didn’t. Their being Catholic means that Callahan will be staying at Finn’s while my dad and I stay at their place. Which I think my dad approves of as well.
Just like last time, they see us before we even get through the gate and come running out of the house. They hug me as tightly as they do Rowan and Callahan, and my dad happily shakes all of their hands. Cormac offers him a beer, and they are off in the living room while the rest of us gather in the small kitchen.
I notice that Cormac doesn’t hug Callahan like he does everyone else. Callahan’s face falls, but he tries to keep his smile up for his family.
“So, my boy won your heart then,” Mary says to me while bringing over a hot toddy.
“Yes, he did. I couldn’t have gotten through this year without him.”
“Sorry about that, dear. When we heard, we were heartbroken for you. I hope you got the basket I sent.”
I tell her I did, and Quinn jumps in to say that she helped.
“You were in our prayers, and Callahan was giving us constant updates. Now that you two are together, I’d better be hearing fromyou as well.” Mary comes over and runs a hand down my hair until she gets to my cheek.
