“Something I said earlier today,” he whispered. “When we were in the shower room at the club.”
Cole racked his brain but still came up empty; nothing Gabe said to him had been fodder for an apology… had it? If so, Cole hadn’t clocked it. “What did you say?”
Gabe sighed. “That the moment I saw you, I… I wanted to fuck you.”
His brow knitting, Cole shook his head. “Why do you need to apologize for that?”
Gabe looked at him, his blue eyes churning with uncertainty. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “It’s just… thinking about it now… it feels… rude.”
“Rude?”
“Like…” He looked away. “Like I just saw you as a piece of ass and… nothing more.” He shook his head slowly and stared at his hands. “I don’t, Cole.” He laughed stiffly. “I know that’s probably a hard argument to make… all things considered, but…” He met Cole’s gaze sincerely. “Idon’t.I didn’t then, either.” He hung his head and mumbled, “I just needed you to know that.”
Cole blinked, a little startled by the sting in his eyes. “I know, Gabe,” he said softly. “I knew it when youdidn’tfuck me in the shower. You could have, and I would’ve let you.” He smiled. “And I know youreallywanted to.”
Gabe inhaled deeply and released it on a slow exhale. “Yeah,” he admitted with a small smile. “I did want to, so bad.”
“But you didn’t.” Cole combed his fingers through Gabe’s soft, dark strands and kissed his cheek. “Who shows that muchcarefor apiece of ass?”He pushed his head to Gabe’s temple. “Hm?”
Gabe’s throat tightened as apingingache pinched his jaw and spread up into his face. He didn’t know why Cole’s words were affecting him this way, but his vision began to blur. Gabe blinked quickly, then looked at Cole, aware of the dampness in his eyes.
“Do you think we could be friends, Cole?” His voice shook more than he intended. “I mean, like…bestfriends?” It sounded corny to his own ears, like an awkward teenager desperate for a friend. But once it was out, he couldn’t stop it. “I felt it when we met. Like… Like we could be…” He looked away, suddenly feeling foolish. “I’m sorry.” He sniffed. “That sounded dumb. I know you probably didn’t feel the same thing and… and it’s okay. I don’t even know what I’m saying.” He rubbed his nose and sat forward, dropping his feet to the floor, his back to Cole.
Cole’s silence made his stomach knot up, and he wanted to flee:fleehis stupid confession,fleeCole’s response before he could speak it. But he couldn’t move.
The bed shifted, and then Cole was behind him, his arms circling his neck. He touched his mouth to the back of Gabe’s head. “I felt it, too,” he whispered with a soft rasp.
“You don’t have to say that, if you didn’t…”
“I did.” Cole leaned down and kissed his ear. “I do.” His arms tightened. “Whatever this is… I think… I think it’s something special. I thinkyouare something special.” His mouth sank to Gabe’s shoulder. “I…” His breath shuddered. “I feelsafewith you, Gabe.” His voice caught with soft emotion. “And you have no idea what that means to me.” He swallowed, his breath shaky. “To just feel…safe.”
CHAPTER 17
Cole was relieved that Gabe didn’t ask why he needed to feel safe. That was something he couldn’t tell him—or anyone—ever.
Sitting on the bed again beside Cole, his back to the headboard with their shoulders touching, Gabe took Cole’s hand and threaded their fingers. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Gabe looked at him and smiled.
Cole shrugged, laughing softly. “I don’t know.”
“When you were a kid, was there something you thought you might want to do?”
Cole’s smile wavered. “I never really thought about the future.”I was too busy just trying to survive the present.He hadn’t thought he wouldhavea future.
“Yeah,” Gabe sighed. “I didn’t think much about the future either when I was a kid. After my parents died, I ran away from the foster home they stuck me in and lived on the streets.” He chuffed. “Not a lot of time to think about the future when you’re just trying to survive day to day.”
Cole understood about surviving day to day,toowell.
“What do you want to do with your life now?” Gabe asked. “Any thoughts?”
“Not really.” Even after running away, he still only thought about life in the present tense, living moment to moment, afraid to build a new life—scared he hadn’t reallyescaped. Until now. Sitting on the bed beside Gabe, holding his hand, feelingsafe… it finally seemed like the nightmare wasover, buried deep in the past,dead forever.
“I didn’t either,” Gabe admitted. “Until I came to the Phoenix. As soon as I walked through the doors, I knew I was home. It was like that euphoria you get after being away from home for a long time, then coming back.” He smiled. “I mean, I guess. I neverreally experienced it before, but I imagine it was the same kind of feeling.” He looked at Cole. “Does that make any sense?”
“Yeah,” Cole murmured. “I kind of…” He swallowed. “… felt the same thing yesterday, when I walked into the club. I’d never experienced it before, either.” Cole’s childhood home wasn’t a place that sparked euphoria or comfort, and heneverwanted to go back.
“That’s what I want to do,” Gabe said.
“What?”
