I opened my eyes and mouth, licking him like I’d done to my ice cream spoon the first time I ate the vanilla treat. Yet the flavor had nothing on the spicy taste of Xavier Sinclair. His was much more thrilling to my tastebuds, awareness making my stomach muscles tighten.
“Is this what you want, Ella?” His fingers combed through my hair, brushing the wet strands from my face.
I looked up at him, blinking to clear my wet lashes, wishing he’d allow me more. Instead of an answer, I moaned around his cock. As if the vibrations traveling through his length affected him, he shuddered, his hips thrusting forward on reflex and going deeper.
“Fuck, Ella,” he hissed.
Taking it as an invitation, I opened my mouth wider without permission and swallowed as much of him as possible, he was too big for more. He let out a guttural growl, his eyes closed, and his hand at the back of my head fisted my hair. I didn’t stop. My palms flat on his stomach, I sucked hard. Hollowing out my cheeks, I smoothed my tongue over the head and along the underside of his length, taking him deeper.
“That’s it, love,” he rasped, guiding my head back and forth, his hips rocking forward with the motion. Still, I grew more desperate to please him, loving the look of passion in his tense expression. He was enjoying it. “Fuck, Ella, such a beautiful mouth.”
His fingers controlled my movements as I continued to suck him; words of praise rumbled out with his deep groans until I took him deeper. The hand on my chin tightened, his grip on my hair became painful, his thrusts more forceful. When he hit the back of my throat on a sudden plunge, cutting off my air, I gagged, my nails digging into his abdomen.
Xavier’s eyes flew open. He jerked my head back sharply, stepping away, allowing me to breathe. “Jesus.” His expression darkening to fear, he grasped my arms, yanking me up into his body. “I’m so sorry, Ella,” he murmured over and over. His arms tightened around me, his breathing harsh. We stood that way for a while until he leaned back. “I’m so sorry, love. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I shook my head. “You didn’t. I loved pleasing you.”
“Ella,” he sighed. “Not at the risk of hurting you.” He sounded angry and must’ve noticed the flare of my eyes and my shocked expression because he quickly shook his head. “I’m mad at myself for hurting you.”
I hated the pained look on his face when I wanted the bliss he’d brought me. “You didn’t.”
Whether to soothe me or not, his lips covered mine in a kiss that was aggressive at the same time, tender before he shut off the water. I looked at my soaked clothes, turning to walk away. Xavier stopped me with a hand on my arm. When I faced him again, he removed my dress and underwear, wrapped me in a large, fluffy white towel, and dried me off. Done, he carried me into the room and laid me down on his bed. He slid in behind me after pulling on tracksuit bottoms. His warm chest pressed into my back, he slipped an arm around my waist, cuddling me tight against him.
Drowsy, I yawned. “Thank you for today,” I said, looking at him over my shoulder.
He responded with a kiss on the back of my head. Frowning, I stared at the dark wall in front of me, watching shadows and light dance through my sleepy vision, my thoughts unsettled. Had I imagined his withdrawal? Maybe I was just too tired.
Before I fell asleep, I turned to face Xavier. He leaned closer until our noses were almost touching, killing my doubts. Surrounded by the soft light from the bedside lamp, I ran a hand through his wet hair, loving the feel of its thick softness beneath my fingers.
As I moved to kiss him, he pushed up onto his elbow. He looked down at me, his expression unreadable, and I had no idea why I feared what he was about to say. “I need to go away for a bit.”
Startled, I sat up. “You’re leaving me?” I was right. Something changed. I shouldn’t have gone into the bathroom. He stopped the blowjob because he didn’t like it. And now he was leaving. I panicked. “Is it because of what I did? Because I disobeyed you?”
“No, Ella,” he soothed, sitting up to pull me into his arms. Cradling me like a baby, his eyes glued to mine, he ran a slow finger down my cheek. “I’m going away for work. I’ll be back in a few days. But.” He paused along with his finger on my chin. “What happened today? The kiss, the study, my bathroom, me touching you, it can’t happen again.”
“Why?” I asked, not understanding. It seemed like he’d wanted it too, like he enjoyed it. “Did I do something wrong?”
He opened his mouth and closed it again, his brow etched in a deep frown. “No, love. You did nothing wrong. You were perfect.” He sighed. “It just can’t. Okay?” The sudden firmness of his last word warned me to obey.
In that single moment, I knew I’d rather have him push me away or not touch me again than be angry with me. “Okay.”
Smiling, he kissed my brow, moved me back to lie next to him, and with his chest to my back, he kept our bodies snug. Although I closed my eyes, I couldn’t sleep wondering what I’d done wrong until his even breathing brushed across me like a gentle song, seducing me to join him.
