For a split second I thought he was going to say “not like I love you.” but of course he didn’t. At least now, I maybe understand why though.
“So you can’t form a soul-bond because you’re also bound to the queen.”
“Right,” he says, sounding slightly distracted.
He shifts his hips, and seems irritated when he finds that we’re still stuck together. I can feel my muscles relaxing, and I know we don’t have much longer before he’ll be able to pull out of me.
“Is that why Kai wants you to kill her?”
He nods. “He thinks that I’m not bound the way the rest of them are, since you and I are “mated” and nothing horrible has happened, it proves to him that I have the free will to kill the queen and free the rest of them.”
My eyes widen, my lips parting in surprise. “But you don’t.”
He shakes his head. “No. I don’t think I could do it even if I wanted to, but Kai said he asked you about it, and you said that killing the queen would break her hold on the shifters so they can leave the army if they want, or find their mates.”
“I never said that. I said maybe…but I don’t know.” I shake my head. “Is that what you want, if you could?”
He blinks, still seeming distracted. He shifts his hips again, testing if we can separate yet. “If I could want what?”
“Would you want a soul-bond?”
He stops moving, his eyes snapping back to mine, searching. “Just any soul-bond?”
I’m not sure I understand what he means. “Not with anyone in particular—”not with me“—just, hypothetically.”
His gaze burns into mine. “Hypothetically, I don’t know if I could form a bond after this.”
Right, of course.
My heart squeezes painfully, but at least now I understand. After all the trauma of not being able to bond and watching everyone around him die, then being banished for decades, of course he would be wary of bonding. I understand now why he wouldn’t want more.
There are other wolves who must want to bond though, and who want to leave. All of them should be free to do whatever they want with their lives.
I don’t know if killing the queen would actually free them, but maybe there’s another way? Surely there’s something I can do to help them.
“Do you think I should leave Eugene here or bring him with us?” Aurelia asks. Then, before I can answer, she looks at the squirrel instead, as if speaking to him directly. “What do you think? Do you want to come, or do you like it better here?”
“Leave him,” I grumble. “I don’t want you getting distracted.”
“He’s not a distraction, he’s a companion,” she argues.
“He’s going to be some snowy owl’s lunch if you bring him with us.”
“That’s rude.”
I bite back a groan. “It’s a long walk with nothing but snow between here and the queen’s palace, and a red squirrel is going to stand out against all that white.”
Aurelia sighs, her shoulders drooping. “Ugh, I guess you’re right. Don’t look at me like that, Eugene, I just don’t want you to get eaten!”
It’s nearing midnight, and Aurelia and I are finally getting ready to leave. Even knowing that we had to travel overnight, it feels surreal when we step outside the tent and find that the darkness of night has swallowed the camp whole.
Aurelia steps out of the tent behind me, and looks up at the sky, a wide smile spreading across her face. “Look! The lights have already started! And they’re so much brighter here, I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”
I follow her gaze and look up to find ribbons of green, blue and violet twisting across the stars. Aurelia laughs with excitement, and spins in a circle, the dancing colors reflecting off her face.
I’ve never seen anything so beautiful either.
Being with Aurelia is the most normal I’ve felt in years—maybe ever. In any other world, it would be easy to spend the rest of my life with her. In any other life, I would have told her that she’s everything—that she’s been everything to me for years now. That if I could love her, I would.
