But, in this reality, I can’t say any of that.
What’s the difference between wishing I could love her, and actually tipping over that edge? What if it’s just saying the words out loud? What if voicing it is what tempts fate to ruin everything?
I wish she hadn’t asked for an explanation just as my resolve was as weak as it’s ever been. I shouldn’t have told her about the queen, especially not when we’re about to travel to the palace. I’m sure she’s planning something heroic, regardless of whether the queen really turns out to be her mother. She’s going to try and save all the shifters, which means that my only goal now is to save her.
That’s always been the goal, but now it’s more clear in my head than ever. She’s the only thing that matters anymore, and if that means my loyalty has shifted enough to cause some disaster, then hopefully it will happen to me, not her.
Half a dozen faces turn toward Aurelia and I as we walk into the center of camp. I’m sure we look strange, with me scowling and her grinning up at the sky. Absently, I reach out and pull Aurelia away from the fire so she doesn’t wander too close while watching the lights, then lead her over to the waiting wolves.
Kai and Luka are among the group waiting for us, and a couple of wolves I only know by sight, including Ilona and Mynthe, the women from the first hunt I joined. That feels like a lifetime ago.
Everyone except Kai bares their necks in greeting as I stop in front of them. Kai seems to have decided not to bother, which I appreciate.
“Where’s Jett?” I ask, not directing my question to anyone in particular.
“He and the pirate will be here in a moment,”Kai answers in my head.
Good. That must mean Jett caught up with Connell. I don’t really care much about the pirate either way, but I know Jett would take it personally if he managed to escape.
Sure enough, barely five minutes pass before we hear Connell’s voice carrying across the silent camp: “—don’t remember agreeing to walk across the bloody tundra. I don’t much fancy freezing my ballocks off, personally.”
“I didn’t know you had any to begin with,” Jett answers in a weary voice unlike his usual cheerful tone.
“Is that your way of asking to see them?” Connell replies. “I suppose that would be alright, but I’d really prefer to get somewhere warmer first. A man’s got to have pride, after all.”
Jett’s low voice responds, just as the two of them stumble into view between the rows of tents, but the words are too garbled by the wind to make out.
I wait for Jett and Connell to join us, then glance over to Kai. “This everyone, or are we waiting for anyone else?”
Kai’s eyebrows lift slightly, his mouth quirking at one corner. “Alpha’s call. Did you want anyone else?”
My fingers twitch at my sides. “For fuck’s sake. Don’t start with that shit.”
“He’s right,” Luka comments, grinning widely. “If you didn’t want to be in charge you shouldn’t have taken over quite so dramatically.”
My jaw clenches so hard my teeth might crack. I didn’t “take over,” I was just protecting my mate.
ProtectingAurelia, I mean. She’s not really my mate, no matter what the wolf inside me seems to believe.
I shake my head roughly and begin again. “Is this who you would have chosen to come with us?”
“Yes,” Kai says, crossing his arms. “Almost.”
“Great, you decide.”
Kai nods. “Fine, in that case we’re just waiting on one more?—”
Footsteps crunch in the snow behind me. I turn and my muscles lock when I see Runa approaching, dressed in armor, her silver-blonde hair gleaming under the aurora. My fingers curl into fists at my sides.
“She’s one of the best scouts,” Kai murmurs, eyes flicking between us. “But Mynthe can step in if you prefer.”
My throat works as I swallow. “No,” I say flatly. “It’s fine.”
Runa keeps her gaze fixed ahead, sparing me the awkwardness of eye contact. I don’t know why she would step in to save Aurelia, but I need to find a way to thank her. I owe her everything.
We set off for the palace only half an hour later than we’d meant to. The wind howls across the open fields, flinging snow like shattered glass against our skin.
In conditions like this, when it’s freezing and we have a long way to travel, I’d normally run as a wolf, but that’s not possible with Aurelia, Jett and Connell traveling with us. I can tell the other shifters aren’t thrilled about walking so slowly, but they’re too afraid to comment to me about it. That might be one part of being the alpha that I actually like.
