‘Because it was bloody decades ago. I should be over it by now! It feels ridiculous to still be this afraid!’
‘Oh, my love.’ He kissed her scalp. ‘I think you need to talk to someone.’
‘I can talk to you.’ She lay her cheek on his chest.
‘Someone better equipped to deal with this kind of thing. Someone cleverer than me.’
‘Is there anyone cleverer than you?’ She kissed him, willing to talk to someone, to do anything to get rid of the fear, yet equally fearful of opening that particular box.
‘You, apparently. Winning that full scholarship. That was really something.’
His recognition of her achievement, the acknowledgement of her smarts for the first time since she was a child, had a profound effect on her, and as her tears flowed, he held her close, and she was thankful.
Ashleigh
Ashleigh woke with the headache she deserved.
‘Oh, God!’ She remembered instantly that she’d slept with Jamie Aller! It had been sordid, quick, and thrilling, but right now the thought was enough to make her feel sick. And then came the recollection that she had told Remy.
‘Shit!’ Sitting up in the bed, she brought her knees up to her chest and sat with her face in her hands, the door of this pretty bedroom the only thing between her and the sister she would have to face eventually. She looked at the window and half wondered how sturdy the drainpipe might be. Not that there was humour to be found in any of it.
‘Shit!’ was the only word that would suffice.
Jamie.The man had always set her teeth on edge, irritated her beyond belief, barely tolerating him when he was with her sister. Her emotional disgust only matched by the physical, she needed a shower, desperate to wash the whole experience and the dire ending of the party from her skin.
... it was me that took the exam for St. Jude’s Academy. Me pretending to be Ashleigh ... me that actually won the place and the full scholarship.
She had heard every word and her legs had turned to jelly; she had wobbled and felt like she might fall. Unsure what to do, where to go, what to say, it had been a feeling not dissimilar to that night sitting in her car all those years ago, knowing she had lost Archie and Guy and was without a home, without a haven. But this felt worse, much worse. Yet what she would always remember from that moment was her dad’s face. He had looked ... bereft. And she had felt the disappointment in it. It wasn’t only that they’d lied – thatshe’dlied – but also that he now saw her as she saw herself, a fraud. This, she knew, was the hardest thing to deal with. It was a strange feeling to be divested of the guilt, the dishonesty; it was certainly freeing. Yet she had lost something too, lost her podium place, her status diminished, her stature reduced. The world now knew that it was her who, as her sister had so succinctly put it, had been wetting her pants in the mower shed. Hiding in the pub had felt like a good plan, and who should have been propping up the bar, but Jamie.
There was a knock at the door, and she caught her breath.
‘Yep?’
Remy walked in with a mug of coffee.
‘Thought you might like this.’
‘Thank you.’ She took the mug into her hands and did her best to avoid eye contact, relieved her sister seemed calm, at least.
‘How are you feeling?’ Remy sat on the end of the bed, this debrief happening whether she wanted it or not.
‘As you’d expect. Rough.’
‘I don’t know what to say, Ash, not really.’ Remy stared out of the window, looking towards the green rolling fields in this, her little slice of heaven.
Ashleigh sipped the coffee, feeling it instantly doing much to lift the fug of her hangover.
‘What happened after I’d left?’
‘Oh, we cut the cake and carried on dancing like nothing had happened!’
‘Really?’ For a second her heart lifted at the prospect.
‘No, Ashleigh, of course not! What do youthinkhappened? Mum and Dad barely kept it together and left looking like I’d socked them in the face. Midge went off to bed, Tony and Raul left a bit sharpish, and I don’t think I even properly said goodbye to Sophie, Riccardo, and the baby.’
Her coffee was becoming less appealing with every sip, as guilt sat on her tongue and distorted the flavour.
‘You just left me! Literally raced out of the back door and left me to face everyone!’ Remy looked right at her now; she looked tired, distressed. It struck her how markedly different things had been yesterday when they’d sat on this very bed and laughed, putting on those hideous glasses.
