‘No, no thanks. I’ve got a bit of a headache.’ She was reminded of her earlier chat with Annalee, who didn’t drink. Harriet was certainly less inclined to do so now the kids were back under their roof.
‘My movie is halfway through if you want to join me. I could try to catch you up?’ he called from the kitchen.
‘No, but thanks. I might read for a bit.’
‘Cheers!’ With a cheery face, he raised the glass of wine and made his way back up the stairs.
The diary fell open at the last page she had written and she let her pen dance across the page.
I know Ellis’s words will stay with me ... she’s got me asking questions, like why Hugo felt the need to stray in the first place? Is it something I did or didn’t do? I mean, let’s face it, I talk about us being happy before, content before, hopeful before, but how happy, content and hopeful can he have been if he chose to have sex with Wendy Peterson, and what if when I talk about that life before, I am actually only referring to how I felt? It’s possible, if not likely, that we were in fact not as happy as I believed, or wanted to believe. And if this is true, then could it be that too was just pretending?
‘I’ve come for the bottle! Who am I trying to kid?’ His voice took her by surprise. ‘I’d only be up and down the stairs twice more and having to pause the movie is a pain in the—’ He watched as she closed her diary quickly. ‘Okay, woman of mystery! Whatareyou writing?’
‘Just notes, jottings. It helps me order my thoughts.’ This was almost the truth.
‘Can I help order those thoughts in any way?’ His cheery grin all but gone.
‘I’ve been thinking ...’ She decided not to divulge Ellis’s part in her doubts. ‘About why you made the choices you did and I guess I still feel gutted because if you hadn’t ...’
He leaned on the wall by the door.
‘I think what you want is not only my apology, which I’ve given many times, but you want me to take all the blame for the situation.’ He kicked his heel against the wainscot, his expression one of mild irritation, as if the red wine had stripped him of his mask. Or maybe the easy false nature of their exchanges since the kids had been home had given him mistaken confidence that he no longer had to try quite so hard. Either way it was sobering and galling in equal measure.
‘What do you mean by that?’ It was a match to kindling and her hackles rose.
‘I mean, Harriet, that you want it to be solely my fault that this marriage has hit the rocks.’
‘Are you kidding me right now?’
‘No, I’m fucking not!’
His language and tone were incendiary and she was aware of a rising tide of fury that she did not want to erupt with the kids in close proximity; they’d already had to leap for safety once when they left Ledwick Green.
‘Follow me,’ she instructed as she jumped up from the sofa.
‘What?’ He looked at her like she’d lost her reason.
‘I said, follow me!’ She moved closer to him and spoke through gritted teeth and made her way to the smallest room in the house where it was possible to talk privately.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
TAWRIEGUNN
AUGUST2024
At the sight of Edgar standing in his open doorway, glancing comically at his watch, she sped up, jogging the last few steps.
‘You’re late!’ Edgar tutted. ‘And I thought you said you hated tardiness.’
‘I do. And give me a break, it’s only five past!’ She had once again found herself in a quandary with so little to choose from inside her wardrobe, opting finally for a plain white tee, which had gone a little grey over the years, and her jeans.
‘Hey’ – he held up his palms – ‘it’s not me that set the rule.’
Reaching down, he took her hand and helped her up the steps. Closing the front door with urgency, he pulled her into him and kissed her hard on the mouth. It was as if nothing would do other than this close and urgent contact, suggesting he too had been thinking about it all day. Almost picking up where they left off, it was an act that was at once new and exciting, yet also the most natural thing in the world.
‘That’s better.’ He ran his hand over her hair and looked into her face. ‘This is weird, right? Like really weird?’
‘What bit?’ She blinked, as happiness fizzed in her veins.
