‘In fairness that’s quite a low bar.’ She ribbed her sister in the way that only she could.
‘Hugo still upset?’ Ellis’s tone had switched to one of concern. Harriet had told her about his crying alone in empty rooms.
‘Not so much,’ she whispered, deciding not to confide how his gaiety was like an invitation to bite, aware that Ellis had little time for Hugo right now and not wanting that to worsen. The realisation that she was shielding him, protecting him, was conflicting. ‘At least I haven’t heard it. Things are ticking along, and yes, I’m aware how pithy that sounds, but it’s the truth.’
‘I was thinking ...’ Her sister paused and Harriet listened hard, as if conscious that Ellis’s next words might be important.
‘Thinking what?’ she flared, impatiently.
‘Don’t know if I should say.’
‘For goodness’ sake, just say it! You can’t lead with that and then not say!’ she tutted and heard Ellis take a breath.
‘I’ve been thinking a lot about why Hugo has been crying, upset. It’s not like him.’
‘Well, thanks for that, Einstein. In case you hadn’t noticed we are going through something a little out of the ordinary.’ She sighed.
‘All right, calm down. This is why I’m thinking twice about saying anything!’ Ellis snapped.
She felt the beginnings of a headache as her sister voiced her justification, and rubbed her temples. ‘Ellis, I’m tired. Just say it and then I can go to bed.’
‘Do you think ...’ Her sister swallowed, nervously. ‘... do you think he’s distressed because he is genuinely remorseful, regretting every act that has brought you to this point? Or is he crying because he feels trapped, wants out, or even because he’s missing Mrs Peterson?’
Harriet opened her mouth to speak but no words came. Instead, she made a noise that was almost a strangled whine. ‘I ...’ She stared at the pen in her hand and felt her body shaking. The thought was too monstrous, the consequences of this being true too horrendous to contemplate.
‘Hats, are you still there?’
‘I just . . . I can’t even begin to . . .’
‘Just forget it.’ She got the distinct feeling Ellis was trying to backtrack.
‘How can I forget that? Do you think that’s true? Did you see something or hear something?’ With every shred of confidence in her own attractiveness destroyed, her stomach felt hollow.
‘No, nothing. But I only look out for you, Harriet, you and the kids, and I know what type of man Hugo is – never overly emotional and certainly not a crier. It’s been on my mind and I just want you to be sure, because I understand forgiving him once, if that’s what you want to do and you think you guys can recapture what you had, but if he were to mess you around a second time ...’
She knew her sister’s concerns were born out of love, but they cut no less deeply for that.
‘I’m too tired to process this, Ellis.’ Her headache turned up a notch.
‘I don’t want to put horrible thoughts in your head, but I want you to be sure – youneedto be sure – because this is a crossroads and the choices you make and the path you choose have consequences for you and for Bear and Dills.’
‘I know that.’ She closed her eyes tightly and willed her sister to stop talking. ‘I need to go. I’m getting a dreadful headache.’
‘Call me tomorrow, promise me?’
‘I promise you.’
‘I love you, Hats, never forget it.’
‘Love you too.’
She sat for a while on the sofa with her sister’s ugly suggestions whirring inside her skull.
‘Penny for them?’ Hugo caught her unawares as he stood in the doorway.
‘Just ... thinking.’ She shrugged and smiled, going overboard to prove the inconsequential nature of her musings. Still pretending, bottling up the fizzing tangle of thoughts and hoping she could keep the cork from exploding!
‘I’m going to grab a glass of red, would you like one?’
