Ouch. Something grips my arm tightly and I scream, though there is no air in my lungs and nowhere for the water to go except for down my throat and into my airway. Screaming, choking, and spitting out water, my lungs burn and my heart quivers in fear.
No. No, I can’t go back.
I resist the hold of whatever grips my arm, even as it drags me quickly through the water and toward the shore. It doesn’t let go even as I beg for it to set me free. It clutches onto me tighter. My vision blurs as tears cascade down my cheeks, but the waves crashing around me wipe them away. They tug at me, forcefully attempting to pull me back to where I belong, but the grip on my arm is stronger, refusing to let me follow the whispers from the darkness. The voice, the siren or the darkness, screams my name now, the sound haunted and tortured and pained. She’s broken just like me. Her voice fades away as my head rises above the water, but her screams fill my mind like claws scraping down my subconscious, begging, urging me to follow her, the sound muffled and far away.
Hands grip underneath my shoulders and carefully drag me to shore. The sand beneath my damp skin brings awareness to my surroundings, and I make out a dark figure standing above me. The darkness in the lake still calls for me. The screaming continues, but now it’s only my screaming cutting through the silence on the beach as I crouch over, coughing and spitting out the taste of bitter water as it bursts from my lungs. The flap of wings thunders loudly above me, but I see nothing in the sky or here on the beach, though I felt him here for a moment, the one who watches… the one who seems to be determined not to let me die. He saved me. For the second time now, he has protected me. The whispered voice releases me from its grip, and the dark pull toward the depths of the lake fades away. It’s gone. And he’s gone. I wish he were still here, because I’m absolutely terrified to be out here alone.
That was real. It was so damn real and this time I remember everything. The night on the bridge, though I can’t remember how it happened, was similar to what happened here tonight. Something took control of my mind, and my thoughts and actions weren’t my own. It wants me dead. It’s not going to stop until I’m gone.
Trembling from the cold, chest heaving out of hopelessness and fear, I dig my fingers into the sand, taking a deep breath in and out… everything is fine. Maybe I’m just spiraling again. Maybe I’m hallucinating. No. I can feel the darkness inside of me, running deeper than I probably know. It will wrap its claws around me tighter and tighter until I have no choice but to give in. I gather the courage to stand, brushing sand off my legs as I steady myself and catch my breath. I don’t want to look behind me at the lake or the waves or the darkness that has its sights set on me, for fear of what might happen if I do. It controls me. My mind is not my own.
I need serious help, and I’m almost certain it’s not the kind I’d get from prescription pills or therapy. Deep down I’m afraid I might need a priest to cleanse my soul, because this darkness I’ve struggled with for so long suddenly feels like a possession over my mind.
This is no longer a struggle with depression or grief, it feels more like a haunting.
I need Ere. I need his comforting voice to calm my nerves and tell me I‘m alright, but I can’t tell him about this. He’d think I’ve lost my mind. I should wait to talk to him tomorrow when I’ve had time to recover from whatever the hell this was. What I need is to talk to Katie immediately. Maybe she has some witchy tincture or potion that can help me. If nothing else, maybe she’ll reassure me that I’m just going completely insane. At this point I would accept it over the alternative. At least that would mean there is hope for me in the end, that I can fight whatever this is.
Chapter Nine
Seeing the Light
NORA
As I enter Coffee Oasis, I take in the comforting scent of freshly baked pastries and the gentle hum of conversation. I’m relieved to see Katie hasn’t shown up yet. I could really use a minute to sit alone and let the warmth of my coffee soothe my nerves. I’m a complete wreck emotionally. I texted my beloved witchy friend last night as soon as I was back inside the safety of my house and away from the tempting call from the depths of the lake. She agreed to meet me here this afternoon on her lunch break if I promised to stay inside for the rest of the night and rest. I agreed. Going back out there wasn’t something I considered, not after the realization of how close I came to death.
I know it was him… my shadow, my stranger with the wings is the one who saved me. He refuses to let me go. I’ll thank him if he shows himself to me again one day, but not before asking a million questions. I glance around the brightly lit room, at the unfamiliar faces busy reading the paper or sending emails before they start their long day, a part of me hoping emerald eyes will meet mine. Now that I know the truth, I can admit to myself that deep down I always knew something about him felt safe. He doesn’t want to hurt me. Then again, I don’t know anything anymore. My thoughts and my mind can’t be trusted.
The bell above the door rings, and Katie strides in gracefully. Her white dress flows down to her feet and the deep cut in the front steals all the attention. She pulls her sunglasses off and tucks them into her designer bag as she smiles and opens her arms wide, stepping toward me.
“I’ve missed you,” she says, bending and wrapping her arms around me.
“I’ve missed you, too. Where have you been?” I sip on my coffee as she takes a seat in front of me.
She sighs. “Work has been crazy. You know how the end of summer is. The endless tourists dying for a glimpse into their future cleaned me out. I’m working on a massive restock for next season.” She combs her fingers through her wavy white hair, her blue eyes sparkling like rays of sunlight exist within them.
Katie is beautiful. Not only is she beautiful, but she’s also smart and kind and the best friend anyone could ever ask for. She has been here for Olivia and me through so much over the years, and I don’t know where I’d be without her. Simply being near her calms my nerves and brings peace to my soul.
The waitress stops at our table and Katie orders her coffee the same way she always does. Black like her soul, or so she says, but her soul is one of the purest in the world. She has a light within her that reflects and shines, spreading positivity to those around her.
“I know. I might need to make a visit to your shop soon. I think I need a tarot reading or a blessing or… an exorcism, possibly.” I wrap my hands around my warm mug, my eyes wide and pleading for help.
She sips from her mug as her eyes search mine. “What exactly happened last night that has you so shaken up today?”
I stare at my hands, afraid of admitting the truth and hearing her tell me I’ve lost my mind. Maybe it’s what I need to hear to help sanity find its way back to me.
I look up, deciding I have nothing left to lose. “I went for a swim. At first it was fine. It was fun.” I tuck my hair behind my ears, glancing around to make sure no one is listening. “I felt this pull to swim deeper and further away from shore until I could reach the floor of the lake and never resurface. Something, and I don’t know what, had a hold of my thoughts and actions. It controlled my every move. I couldn’t escape, Katie, it was terrifying,” I whisper, averting my gaze and focusing on the dark liquid within my mug.
She leans forward, placing her warm hand on mine, and gives me a small, sad smile. She looks at me like she thinks I’m crazy. I probably am. “You’re not crazy, if that’s what you’re thinking. I believe you, Nor. But if you felt as though you had no way to break free, how did you?” She leans back in her chair, her eyes calm and unreadable.
I give her a half smile, unsure of how I should answer. If she doesn’t already think I’m crazy, she will now.
“Someone… or something pulled me back to the beach. I felt their hands wrap around me and I fought against them. I didn’t want to be saved. Once I was out of the water, I heard… wings flapping above me and that was all. There was no one there, but I was glad to be free, to have my mind back again. While I was out there, I was not in control… I-I don’t know who or what was, but it was not me.” I shake my head back and forth to clear my thoughts. “I’m scared, Katie. I don’t understand what’s happening to me.” My vision blurs as my eyes fill with tears.
She smiles as I sniffle and wipe them away. “I know this seems bad, and it is. I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do. But the good news is, it seems you may have a guardian on your side, and that is a blessing.” She clasps her hands together in front of her, looking down at her freshly painted nails. “He saved you from the bridge, too, I hear.”
My eyes dart to hers immediately. “How did you know the truth about the bridge?” I lean toward her, and in a hushed tone I beg, “please don’t tell Olivia. She’ll worry herself to death if she finds out about the multiple strange suicide attempts I’ve experienced this past week. Please just don’t.”
She huffs a laugh and shakes her head. “Of course not. Her hysteria would drive us both mad, especially if she found out I was aware and kept it from her. There’s no need to tell her.” She waves her hand nonchalantly, smiling as if my life isn’t falling apart. “You’re going to be fine, Nora. I promise.” She pulls out her phone and glances at the time. “I have to get back. I have a tarot reading scheduled for one o’clock, but we’ll talk more later.” She stands, grabbing her purse and putting her sunglasses back on.
