Sloane knew she was going too far, but she couldn’t help it. She was hurt and upset, and feeling she had only herself to blame just made it worse. Why oh why couldn’t she crave babies like so many other women did?
“If I don’t say it, who will?” she said, doubling down instead of shutting up like she knew she should. “Do you think I should bite my tongue and let you go back to him when he doesn’t deserve you? When the life you’d live wouldn’t be the kind of life you could have with a better partner? Money’s great and all that, but what about feeling safe, secure, loved and supported? What about your needs being as important as his for a change?”
“You mean how will I live without all the truly important things—like the ones Ben’s givenyou?” Charlotte snapped, finally getting upset. “Well, look how far that’s gotten him!”
Sloane felt like she’d been punched in the gut. Maybe she deserved it. She’d raised her voice first. But she was in a hollowed-out kind of despair, afraid it was already too late to save her marriage.
“Obviously, you’ve got Ben’s back. I’ll be sure to let him knowyou’re in his corner,” she said and stalked into the house, where she went straight to her room and threw herself on the bed.
Charlotte’s heart thudded as she stared at the blanket Sloane had dropped, now pooled at the chair’s feet. The air on the deck still felt charged, sharp with what she hadn’t meant to say.
“Damn it,” she cursed. She loved Sloane, wanted to be there for her no matter what. But they were both on edge, worried about their marriages—or their divorces, as the case might be. Sloane was also concerned about leaving her business languishing in the hands of her partner for so long. She’d been starting to talk a lot about that and spending more time on the phone and computer. And after being gone for almost three weeks, she had to be a little homesick. Then to receive a picture of Ben laughing while holding his new coworker’s darling son when the issue tearing them apart revolved around having kids...
Charlotte could totally understand why that would hurt.
Still, she had no right to judge her or be critical.
She should’ve handled the situation better, been more supportive, she decided. But Sloane had struck a nerve with what she’d said about Cliff. She hadn’t needed to say it; Charlotte already knew the truth. She understood, just as Sloane did, that he was unlikely to change. In her view, it was more a matter of timing. If she went back to him, she could get her feet under her again. She’d have somewhere she and Lilly could stay until she finished her book, and the reconciliation would make her second book sell as well as the first. That seemedsovital to her right now. If her marriage fell apart after one last, concerted effort, at least trying again would’ve bought her some time. Time to keep her money separate from his so she’d have some reserves. Time to get some counseling and prepare herself emotionally. Time to focus on her future deadlines so she’d never fall this far behind again.
She’d been blindsided when he asked for the divorce. She just wanted to regain her equilibrium and have some way to plan what she’d do if her marriagedidfall apart.
While she hated herself for even gaming it out, that would be the easiest path in so many ways, which was why, when she was at her weakest, it was tempting.
But she also knew, in her heart of hearts, that she could never really do it. Cliff had broken something when he kicked her out—had made her look at him from a critical point of view, which she would never allow herself to do when she was busy being the dutiful, long-suffering wife. She couldn’t put what they’d had together again. He called her refusal a lack of forgiveness. Made her feel guilty for being unable to let it go as a mistake. But she wasn’t a hard-hearted person. She believed it was her intuition, warning her to stay away from danger.
It was also what she’d begun to feel for Jules...
With a sigh, she got up and went inside to apologize, but Sloane wouldn’t open her bedroom door. Charlotte called out—softly, so she wouldn’t disturb Lilly—and Sloane replied just as softly that they’d discuss it in the morning, when she wasn’t feeling quite so raw.
Charlotte accepted that because she knew it was probably a good idea. She wasn’t in the best frame of mind herself. Not only was she stressed out about her marriage and her career, but also she was concerned about Julian. She missed him. She needed him. She wanted to know, if it was their kiss that’d made him retreat from her, if they could get beyond it somehow. If that required an apology for crossing the line they’d always respected in the past, she was willing to give it to him.
So instead of going to bed, she went back to the deck and waited until he finally came through the gate.
chapter 23
Julian waited to come home until he was sure Charlotte would be in bed. She typically didn’t stay up late. That made it too hard for her to write the following morning. So he was shocked when he got back to see that the rest of the house was quiet and dark, but she was sitting at the table on the deck with her computer.
“Are you writing?” he asked.
The sea kept an even hush below as she closed the laptop and shook her head.
“Then... what’s wrong? Why are you out here all alone?”
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
He felt his stomach sink. He’d planned to muddle through this trip until he could get back to his normal life, whatever that was going to be like now that he was dealing with a debilitating disease. He didn’t want to get in her way or make anything worse for her. But he could tell she wasn’t going to let him skirt past her too easily. “What for?”
“Sloane and I had an argument tonight.”
That happened occasionally. Sloane was a passionate, animated person. Charlotte was usually a bit more levelheaded,but she stood her ground, especially when Sloane went too far. “About what?”
“I told her I think she’s crazy for even considering leaving Ben. And she told me that Cliff is a total asshole, and I’d be a stupid idiot to go back to him.”
Julian wanted to say that both of those things were true. But he bit his tongue.
“I didn’t hear you,” Charlotte said.
He spread out his hands. “I didn’t say anything.”
