Dressed in her orange one-piece, which was getting well-worn but was still her favorite, Lilly waited at the railing, overlooking the ocean exactly where she’d stood before. She wished the man who’d come to Italy with Charlotte would be getting into the hot tub with them. Julian had kind, patient eyes. The way he spoke to her made her feel safe, as if the ground weren’t about to open up and swallow her whole. That was what it’d felt like since her mother died, as if she was in the middle of an earthquake and had no idea what would be left standing when the shake-up was over. But Julian had gone inside to take a nap, and his sister was already sleeping, so it would be just her and Charlotte.
If she said or did something wrong, would she be packed up and dropped off somewhere else? Because she couldn’t get it right all the time. Why even try?
She’d probably wind up in foster care no matter what she did. And she’d seen what foster care was like in the movies andon TV. If she was put into some mean stranger’s home, she’d run away again and again if she had to. She didn’t want to be a charity case, nothing but a bother. She wouldn’t feel comfortable enough in that situation to so much as eat, let alone figure out the rest of her life.
She was tempted to run away now. Why not take off while she could?
Because she was in Italy. Where would she go? And how would she communicate? She had no friends here. Her mother had been homeschooling her, which meant she’d been schooling herself. Sabrina had never really gotten involved other than to tell her to go do her homework. She had to get back to America before running away would even be an option.
Maybe her sister would make that trip happen, but Lilly couldn’t imagine someone Charlotte’s age being willing to take care of a twelve-year-old who needed food, clothes, a place to live—everything a mother would normally provide, especially if that sister no longer had a husband. Charlotte would probably prefer to be out finding another man, not stuck taking care of a preteen she’d just met.
Biting her bottom lip, she gazed worriedly out at the sea. Most people saw a beautiful ocean with cliffs to the right and left bearing colorful houses. This was a vacation spot. The place to be. There were shops and restaurants and beaches. But she saw only the hopelessness of her current situation.
Life was going to be so different now that her mother was gone. Sabrina hadn’t been the best mother. She’d dragged Lilly around wherever she wanted to go. And the men in her life, even though they filtered in and out and never stayed for long, had always come first.
But at least Lilly had known Sabrina loved her. Maybe not as much as some mothers loved their children—the kind who actually made meals, helped with homework and chaperonedfield trips. But Sabrina could be generous when she was happy. She’d taken Lilly to so many fun places over the years, and they used to laugh and talk a lot, especially when her mother was between boyfriends.
At least, Lilly had known what to expect—and what not to expect—with Sabrina. There was a level of predictability even in her mother’s unpredictability.
The door opened and her sister stepped out wearing stylish white-framed sunglasses and a matching bikini that had only a single shoulder strap. She looked like one of the models Lilly had seen whenSports Illustratedcame to town to shoot their swimsuit issue, which frightened her. Why would anyone so young, glamorous and rich want a twelve-year-old she hadn’t even known existed a week ago?
Although... Angelina Jolie was like that. Angelina had adopted several kids, just to help out.
Too bad Lilly didn’t know how to reach Angelina...
That was a stupid dream, anyway, she decided. Angelina wasn’t going to take her in even if Lilly could figure out how to contact her. No one was going to take her in—if her sister wouldn’t.
“All set?” Charlotte said.
The false cheer Lilly heard made her feel like throwing up. She’d been nauseous all day, even though she’d barely eaten, and she wasn’t sure getting into hot water would help. But she felt shivery at the same time, as if the wind was blowing right through her, so maybe it would be okay.
She stepped into the water, found it wasn’t as hot as she’d anticipated and breathed a sigh of relief as she moved around to the opposite side to get out of the way. Then she watched beneath her eyelashes as her beautiful older sister climbed in.
Maybe if she’d had the same dad, she’d look like that, she thought. Instead, she was too tall for her age, all skinny arms and legs. She remembered Luca teasing her when he first mether, telling her she looked like a fawn that was barely learning to walk. He’d also said, with his heavy Italian accent, “Eyes too big, teeth too big, feet too big.”
He and her mother had laughed as she’d stormed out of the room, but her mother had called after her saying she’d grow into everything eventually.
She tucked her feet underneath her so that Charlotte wouldn’t notice how big they were.
“What do you think of Italy?” her sister asked.
After being gone for three months, Lilly missed America. It was home. But she didn’t dare admit it, didn’t dare let anyone know how badly she wanted to go back. Everyone thought Praiano was paradise. “It’s hard to live somewhere when you can’t understand what people are saying.”
“Don’t most people here speaksomeEnglish?”
“If they work in a shop or a restaurant. But if you go outside of town, where there aren’t many tourists, a lot of people, especially the older ones, don’t speak any English.”
“I see. What made your mother—” she cleared her throat “—ourmother choose Praiano?”
That question surprised Lilly. Maybe most women wouldn’t leave their home country for a man, but Sabrina would do anything. “Luca lives here.”
“How’d they meet?” Charlotte asked.
“On a dating app.” Sabrina would have Lilly take photograph after photograph to send to the men she was talking to. It seemed Lilly could never get the right shot the first time. Her mother wanted her to take the picture in such a way that she looked prettier or younger or skinnier—a lot of times when she was in a swimming suit.
“Do you like Luca?”
Lilly shrugged. What she felt for her mother’s latest boyfriend was hard to explain. He hadn’t beenterribleto her, buthe’d only been putting up with her for the sake of her mother, which was why he’d been so eager to get rid of her as soon as Sabrina was gone.
