Charlotte leaned forward. “Was he kind to you?”
“He wasn’tunkind,” she replied.
“Did he seem to be in love with your mother?”
Charlotte didn’t change “yourmother” to “ourmother” this time. But Lilly didn’t say anything. She was too busy remembering the six or more men she’d called “father.” At first, they all seemed to be in love with Sabrina. But their love never lasted. Lilly couldn’t say exactly why. She thought part of it was how much her mother changed once they moved in together, how much she started to demand and expect and how little she was willing to give in return. Sabrina would start to complain—always wanting more time, more attention, more money. And they grew tired of it, some sooner than others.
Lilly could always tell when Sabrina’s latest boyfriend was getting ready to move on. Even if her mother hadn’t died, Lilly believed her relationship with Luca had been nearing an end. They’d begun to fight, and Luca had often slept on the couch or stayed with family or friends during the last few weeks.
It was a cycle she’d seen before...
Lilly had wanted to tell Sabrina that she shouldn’t be so hard to live with. But how could a daughter say that to a mother? “I guess he loved her as much as any of the others,” she said.
“Theothers?” Charlotte lifted her sunglasses.
“Her other boyfriends.”
Charlotte slid around the bench, closing the gap Lilly had purposely put between them, which made Lilly shrink away. She needed space, couldn’t let anyone get too close. She couldn’t love someone who’d only walk out of her life again. She felt as if she’d crumble, disintegrate altogether and blow away like dust if it happened one more time.
“Were there a lot of them?” Charlotte asked.
When adults drilled her with a question like that, it was usually to find fault with her mother. But Lilly couldn’t detect any judgment in Charlotte’s voice. It sounded more like concern, and that helped. She was tired of having to defend Sabrina from those who labeled her as “bad.” Sabrina had just been trying to be happy. When Sabrina had pulled her out of school to move to Italy to be with Luca, one of Lilly’s teachers had muttered that she’d never met a more selfish woman. That was probably true. Sabrina could also lose her temper quickly and lash out. But she forgave just as quickly and provided the love Lilly hadn’t been able to find anywhere else.
“Enough that I’ve started to forget some of them.” It felt great to finally admit it, to state the truth instead of trying to think of clever ways to deny it.
“How would she meet the men she dated?”
“Wherever she was bartending. At a club after work. Through a friend or someone she worked with. Online.”
“Did you typically get along with them?”
“Some of them.”All of them except one, Lilly corrected in her mind. Walter had shown a littletoomuch interest in her, which was why her mother had left him. Lilly had always wondered if Sabrina was mad at her for ruining that relationship—if it was the one that might’ve worked if not for her.
After they moved out of Walter’s house, Sabrina had never mentioned the day they’d found the camera hidden in the bathroom only Lilly used, but she’d worried ever since that her mother blamed her for being the reason she couldn’t find someone who’d love her enough to stay. Walter’s house had certainly been the nicest one they’d known.
“And the others?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” The words came out before she could stop them. But Lilly couldn’t addressthattopic. Shewas too raw inside, toodamaged. That was the only word she could think of to describe how she felt.
Fearing her refusal was all it would take to make her sister mad enough to drop her off somewhere else—Italy’s version of foster care—she steeled herself for Charlotte’s reaction.
But to her surprise, Charlotte smiled kindly. “Okay. No problem. You don’t have to talk about it.”
Silence fell. Lilly wished she could think of something to fill it. She always felt awkward around strangers, and she was even more uncomfortable now that she was with a sister who was also a stranger. People typically didn’t have to deal with that kind of thing.
She pretended to be absorbed in finding a jet that would massage her back, but eventually she had to look up, and when she did, she found Charlotte watching her with her sunglasses still on top of her head.
“Whatwouldyou like to talk about?” she asked. “Is there anything you’d like to askme?”
Lilly shook her head to indicate she didn’t have any questions, but that wasn’t true. There was so much she was dying to learn. She just didn’t dare speak up for fear she’d say the wrong thing.
“There’s got to be something,” Charlotte coaxed. “Come on, nothing’s off-limits. It’s your turn to putmeon the hot seat.”
Lilly weighed the question that was uppermost in her mind and, when the silence began to get uncomfortable again, she finally caved into the expectation that hung in the air. “Okay. Is it weird for you, knowing you had a different mother than you thought?”
“Very,” Charlotte admitted. “My parents never told me I’d been adopted, so getting Mr. Heidelman’s letter came as a shock.”
“You thought you were theirs all along?”
