“So you’re choosing me over him?” She seemed stunned, as if she couldn’t quite comprehend that.
“I am, and it’s the better choice for both of us. I know that. I promise he won’t figure into our futures—except I’m staring down the barrel of a divorce, which won’t be easy.”
“What will your parents say if... if you bring me home?”
“I think you know they’d be supportive, which is good, because we’d probably have to live with them for a while until I could finish my book, find us our own place and... and see if I’m offered another publishing contract. If not, I won’t even be employed.”
She knew having Lilly could make a big difference in Sloane’s marriage and wanted to be supportive for that reason, but Lilly washersister—her only blood relative, at least that she knew of. She couldn’t give her up too easily.
Charlotte took hold of her hand. “Do you feel you can make such a big decision? Because there’s no wrong answer. We—all of us—only want what’s best for you. If you go to the farm to be with Steve and Old Blue, I’ll visit as often as I can, or you can come see me. The same goes for Seattle.” She gripped Lilly’s shoulders. “So you’re in a good place. It’s notthat you have nowhere to go. It’s that you havetoomany people who want you.”
A hint of a smile curved Lilly’s lips. “That feels good,” she admitted. “But I don’t know what to do—who’s just being nice and who really means it.”
“Weallmean it, or we wouldn’t have offered,” Charlotte insisted. “But like I said, we won’t be hurt by what you decide, so don’t be afraid of choosing what would make you happiest.”
“How long do I have before…before I have to say?”
They were getting toward the end of their stay. It would be good to know soon, so they could make plans. But Charlotte wasn’t going to press her. This was too important a decision. “You can have a few days. Then we’ll talk about it again and go from there.”
“Thank you,” she said and gave Charlotte an impromptu hug.
Charlotte sighed as Lilly went inside. She’d wanted to get to know her birth mother better mostly because she’d craved something to admire.
But certainly nothing she’d found so far was any help.
Lilly almost couldn’t believe it. She’d gone from having nowhere to go to havingthreeplaces, and she liked them all. There would be no group home or foster care. The hard part now would be deciding where she’d be happiest.
She’d rather be with her sister than anyone. That was a no-brainer. Her sister was family, and as someone who had so little of it, family meant everything to her. But Charlotte was young. Although she claimed she didn’t mind how keeping Lilly might affect her future, there was always the chance she’d change her mind. What if she found someone else, someone like Cliff, who wasn’t willing to let her have another person in her life, especially someone who needed time, attention and a home?
Steve was probably the surest bet. She’d lived with him before and knew what to expect. He was all about routine—something her mother loathed, which was partly why they hadn’t been able to get along. “Can’t you ever cut loose?” her mother would yell at him. And he’d yell back that he wasn’t about to let his animals or his property go without the care they needed even if the work he did wasn’t exciting enough for her.
And Old Blue was there. She missed that dog so much her teeth ached.
But she also felt a little melancholy when she remembered attending school in Iowa and was afraid it’d get lonely out on the ranch. Steve had been the most decent guy her mother had dated, but what if he wasn’t as decent as she thought? What if he was like Walter and would get weird after a while? She had no idea what he might be like as she grew older. Could she really trust him—she, who couldn’t seem to trust anyone?
Then there were Sloane and Ben. They both seemed nice. But wouldn’t she feel a bit like a guest in their home? She’d never been to Seattle. She was tired of moving around, tired of trying to become familiar with place after place.
Which brought her back to Steve, who was, at least, familiar.
What should she do? And what if she made the wrong decision? Her mother was no longer around to make her go one way or another.
This decision was entirely hers, and she didn’t want to screw it up.
“Sloane asked to take Lilly?”
Charlotte could hear the surprise in Julian’s voice. They’d just made love and were lying in bed, the house quiet around them. Outside, a single cicada rasped; inside, the air smelled faintly of linen and sandalwood from the soap they’d shared in the shower. “She hasn’t said anything to you about it?”
“No, nothing,” he said. “But I’ve been keeping my distance.I’m afraid she’ll know something’s going on between us if she ever really focuses on me.”
Charlotte chuckled. “I’m surprised we haven’t been found out already.”
“Everyone’s pretty caught up in their own thoughts and decisions. Taking on a child is a big step for Sloane.”
“It would be good for her and Ben. In all honesty, I think it would be good for Lilly, too. But...”
He’d been running his fingers down her bare arm. When her words fell off, he stopped. “But?”
“I’ve decided I want her to stay with me.”
