How could he have let this happen? Allowed himself to fall in love with yet another woman he could never have? Oh yes, he loved her. Loved her with every breath he took. But love wasn’t enough. Love was for fools who didn’t know better.
It would kill him to see her love turn to hatred, resentment. And finally despair. They didn’t have a future no matter how much they wanted one.
He shuffled to the library feeling older than his years, broken, and alone. He poured himself a drink, and sat down behind his desk, staring moodily into the fire he always had burning in the hearth. Perhaps it was time he took his leave from England. Did some more traveling. Run just like he had after Roslyn died.Coward.
He took a long draught from his glass, wishing for something to numb the gut-wrenching pain he felt. Traveling wouldn’t help, he knew that. He couldn’t think of one place he could go where thoughts of Jenna wouldn’t assail him. Her excitement for exotic locales, grand adventures, and beautiful scenery would follow him to the ends of the earth. How could he possibly enjoy them without her?
He should never have accepted her proposal. Not only was he devastated by the impossibility of them being together, but he’d taken her innocence, used her. He’d recognized from the beginning that his actions certainly weren’t honorable, but he’d had to have her.
In the short time they were together, they had loved with abandon. Formed a deep bond, but it wasn’t enough to give them a life together. It never would be.
###
Jenna stumbled blindly up to her room, her heart aching with grief. He didn’t want her. Didn’t feel the same about her. How stupid could she be? She’d gone to him in the beginning and asked him to become her lover,nother future husband. Of course he hadn’t wanted to marry her. Why should he? She’d been more than willing to give him the benefits of the marriage bed without the sanctity of the ritual. What must he think of her?
She’d never felt so betrayed in her life. He was obviously still in love with Roslyn. Roslyn, Roslyn, Roslyn. Would she never hear the end of her? She couldn’t compete with a ghost, and moreover she had no wish to share his affections with a dead woman.
She trudged over to her bed and curled into a tight ball underneath the covers. Now she was looking at a future alone. She didn’t regret breaking off her engagement. She could never marry anyone after her time with Gray. And certainly not someone capable of murder. After the scandal of her broken engagement surfaced, the only man who’d be willing to marry her would be a fortune hunter. Willing to overlook anything for the sake of her dowry.
She had only herself to blame. She’d known the risks from the beginning, embraced them. Throwing caution to the wind, she had gone after what she wanted. The outcome should have satisfied her. She’d enjoyed a glorious two weeks in the arms of a man like no other, and her marriage to Stuart wouldn’t go forth. Yet, her victory felt hollow.
What would her future ever be like now that she’d tasted true happiness? And lost it almost as quickly.
Numbness took over, giving her blessed relief from the pain that racked her body and mind.
“Jenna?” Quinn called from the door. His voice grew closer, but she didn’t move from underneath the covers. “Thomas said you’d gone out earlier. I was just checking in on you.”
He was now at the edge of her bed. She squeezed her eyes shut, but a tear escaped down her cheek.
“What’s wrong?” he asked in a concerned voice. He knelt down on the floor beside her bed, brushing back her hair with his hand.
Hot tears ran down her cheeks despite her attempts to call them back. “He refused me,” she whispered.
“Who?” he demanded. “What are you talking about?”
“I went to him. After I went to Stuart and broke off our engagement. Told him I was willing to give up everything for him. And he turned me away.” Her voice ended in a sob.
Quinn slid onto the bed beside her and enfolded her in his arms, bringing her to a sitting position. “God, Jenna. I don’t know what to say.”
“You’re wrong about him,” she said, her voice muffled by his chest. “Everyone is wrong about him. He isn’t a rake. It’s all rumor.”
“It matters not. He isn’t fit to lick your boots. I’d like nothing more than to soundly trounce him.”
Even that failed to elicit a smile from her. “What am I going to do, Quinn? I love him so much it hurts. I don’t want to live without him.”
“I don’t know, Sprite. I hate to see you hurting so. I feel so damn helpless.”
“I was a fool. I humiliated myself in front of him.”
He pulled her away from his chest and looked at her with stormy eyes. “No, you aren’t a fool. He is the fool. He doesn’t deserve your love or your regard.”
“I thought you would applaud him turning me away,” she said with a sniffle.
“I never said I wanted you to marry him, but he is ten times a fool for turning down the opportunity to have you. You are worth a hundred times more than him.”
She gave him a watery smile. “Thank you.”
“I only want you to be happy. I hate seeing you so miserable. That isn’t the Jenna I know and love so well. You can’t let this destroy you. Yes, it hurts, but you don’t have to let everyone know you’re hurting.”
