Her tongue felt thick in her mouth, but her joy overrode all else. “I am free, Gray. We can be together now. I’ve broken my engagement to Stuart.”
He arched an eyebrow in surprise and pulled away from her. “I think you know that isn’t possible.”
“But it is,” she said with a smile. “I love you and I only want to be with you. Nothing else matters.”
His eyes darkened at her admission, but his expression remained unreadable. Did her words mean nothing? He opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted what could only be an objection. “We don’t have to hide any longer. We can be together. We can elope to Gretna Green before my parents return, or we can wait and marry here in London. Either way, it is my decision. One no one can make for me.” She grasped his hands in hers and squeezed. “Didn’t you hear me? We can be together!”
His face softened. He released her hands and cupped her cheek gently in his palm. “It won’t work.”
Fear shook her. Fingers of dread curled around her heart. He looked like he pitied her. She hadn’t imagined the possibility of him not being willing. “Why won’t it work?” She had to ask though she knew she didn’t want to hear his reply.
He closed his eyes and raked a hand through his hair. When he opened them again his expression was bleak. “The answer is no.”
Her mouth opened in shock, and tears welled in her eyes. “Why?”
“I won’t be party to alienating you from your family. Sebastian was here, and I know that neither he nor your father would ever grant their blessing for such a match.”
“But their blessing doesn’t matter.”
His finger shushed her. “Itdoesmatter, Jenna. I won’t ever again make the mistake I made with Roslyn. You love your family. She loved her family, and I took her away from them. The results were disastrous.”
“But—”
“Let me finish.” He turned away from her and rested his palms on the seal of the window, looking down on the street below. “I pressured Roslyn into eloping with me. Told her if she loved me that she’d choose me over her family. It was despicable of me. She was reluctant to marry me without her parents’ blessing, but I told her once we were married they would come around. That our love was all that mattered.”
He turned to her again, his face a mask of pain. “I killed her as sure as if I’d driven the carriage she died in. I can’t do that to you, Jenna. You love your family and they love you. I can’t let you throw that away, certainly not for me.”
“Don’t you think I should be the one who decides what I throw away?” she asked challengingly.
“You aren’t thinking straight right now. You’re upset. When you’ve had time to think about this properly you will thank me.”
“I will never thank you for this.”
“Jenna, please. Don’t do this to yourself. I don’t want us to part this way.”
“I don’t want us to part at all!”
“But we must. I am not the man for you. I don’t deserve you. Sooner or later you would grow despondent over your lost relationship with your family. Then you would blame me, resent me. I couldn’t bear it.”
“Don’t tell me what I would feel,” she said forcefully. “You can’t possibly know how I would feel. Iloveyou, Gray. Does that mean nothing to you?”
“It means more than you will ever know,” he said quietly. “But it doesn’t change the fact that we cannot have a life together no matter how much you may wish it.”
“So you’re going to turn me away because of something that happened over five years ago? I’m not Roslyn!” Her chest felt like it was in the grip of a vise. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
“Jenna, please...don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
His voice pleaded with her, but she couldn’t see past her pain at his rejection. She was such a fool. He hadn’t even professed to love her as he did Roslyn.
She felt old. Completely and utterly old. Lifeless. She had made a complete fool of herself. At no time had he expressed more than an interest in bedding her. “I see. How silly of me. Do pardon my intrusion. I am sorry to have bothered you.” She turned and walked stiffly to the door.
“Jenna, don’t...” he pleaded.
She didn’t turn back, couldn’t show him how destroyed she was. Her heart breaking into a thousand tiny pieces, she walked away from the only man she would ever love. A man who didn’t want her. A man who had never said he loved her.
Gray watched her spine stiffen as she walked out of his room and out of his life. It was all he could do not to call her back, tell her they would work it out. But he couldn’t. It was Roslyn all over again. His hands shook, and clawing panic gripped his throat.
He turned to the window and watched as she walked slowly down the street to her waiting carriage. Cursing himself for his utter stupidity, he yanked his gaze from her and pounded his fist against the wall beside the paned glass.
