Maybe in time I would have known this myself. Maybe not. It still doesn’t make me feel any better. I look up and watch the leaves on the trees sway in the breeze. It’s calming and I tip myhead back to rest against Jay’s shoulder. His hold on me tightens and he presses a kiss to the side of my head.
Cas and Alannah are the first to walk over when the service is over and Alannah asks, “How are you doing?”
“Not good,” I tell her truthfully.
“How about I take Gunner for the night so you and JJ can have time to yourselves?”
JJ accepts before I can politely decline but I don’t argue. Gunner loves spending time with his grandma and grandpa. Leo and Luca are next to walk over with Holly and Victoria following behind. Victoria hugs me and I’m grateful for her presence. She’s not new to the depths of grief and I cling to her for as long as I can before pulling away.
Sparky hangs back, he hasn’t said much since that night. I've only seen him drinking bottle after bottle of tequila. JJ and Bonnie are worried about him and are keeping their eye on him. Brothers hang around, and just like I knew they would, they strike up conversations about their everyday lives. Nothing to do with Slade. They’re moving on already.
Kristen storms over and I go to climb off the motorcycle when she spits on Dad’s patch and JJ locks me down in his arms.
“This club won’t be satisfied until it’s killed my whole family!”
Dad's jaw tenses and his voice is real low when he warns her, “Do that again and I'll forget you’re grieving.”
“Threats?” she shrieks. “That’s all your good for, isn’t it.”
Alannah places her hand on Kristen’s shoulder but she shrugs her off.
“Slade was always better than you, better than this club. Every drop of blood he’s bled is on your hands.”
She’s gaining a crowd and Sparky pushes his way through, stopping when he gets in her face.
“You get to be angry. You get to hurt. But you don’t get to blame us. He was the club and was for a lot longer than he was your husband. Don't spit on the club cause you knew exactly what kind of man you married.” He looks around and his wary eyes land on my cousin. “Zach, take your mom home.”
Fire returns to Aunt Kristen’s eyes. “If it’s the last thing I do, I'll get my son away from you all.”
Zach takes her by the arm, and she doesn’t fight him when he leads her to the car. They argue the whole way and it takes a minute to realise JJ is calling my name. “What?”
“We’re heading back to the club. Do you want to ride with me or go back in the car with Mom and Lana?”
“I want to go home.”
For the first time ever, the club is the last place I want to be.
“That’s what I said.”
Now I frown. “What are you talking about?”
He purses his lips clearly wanting to say something but he doesn’t. He rearranges us until he’s sat in front and bringing his bike to life.
Something strange is going on and I don’t want any part in it.
I should have gone straight over to the house, instead I made the mistake of staying with Jay and attending the wake. All I've heard are stories about Slade, about Dex, and about Shane. For the last hour I’ve been watching Leo to block them out. He's on edge and no one around him seems to notice. Leaving Jay talking with Mason and Myles, I go over to my brother and sit beside him.
“Why are you watching everyone?”
“I’m not.” He takes a pull on his bottle of beer. “Why are you watching me?”
“I’m not,” I throw back at him, making him smile. “And you’re lying. You're watching and you’re plotting.”
“Am I?”
I nod and take his beer. I finish it off and pass him the empty bottle back.
“I need to get out of here. Walk me back to yours?”
