“Sure.”
Since they needed the main house for the old ladies from the other chapters, JJ, Gunner, and I, are staying with Leo and Holly.
I inhale the fresh air when we step outside and I link my arm through his.
“I’m so tired, Leo. You know, like, exhausted.”
“I feel ya.”
“Now the funerals are over, will you be going to find Hopper?”
“I’ve got business to deal with here first, but yeah, I'll be going to find him at some point in the near future.”
“Slade won’t rest until you have,” I tell him.
“Do you believe in that sort of shit?”
“I have to, or I wouldn’t be able to get through the pain of losing people. Don't you?”
“Sometimes I do, sometimes it’s hard to believe it’s true.”
“Do you believe now?”
He looks down at me, and says, “I do, but then, it could be guilt.”
Guilt. Regret. They're both emotions my brother knows all too well.
He unlocks the front door, and steps back for me to step inside first. The silence in the house is golden.
“Whatever you’re plotting, can it get you or JJ killed?”
He stares at me for so long I don’t expect him to answer, but when he does, it gives me chills. “Not tonight.”
I can live with not tonight, I'll ask him again tomorrow.
4
Jj
Ilight the third cigarette since I’ve been waiting on Leo’s porch. He disappeared into the house over an hour ago with Harper, I should go in and check in on her but since I can’t hear it kicking off, I leave her to her time with her brother. She cherishes her relationships with Leo and Luca. I counted her meds as soon as we got back from the cemetery and she is thirteen days behind. I go to light the fourth cigarette when the front door opens and Leo steps outside.
“How long have you been waiting out here?”
I shrug. “A while.”
“I stuck around until she fell asleep.” I nod. “She’s not right, and I’m not sure it’s all grief."
“I know, she’s missed the last couple of weeks’ worth of pills. I'm on it, though.” I toss the cigarette butt across the grass. “Everyone’s here. When do you wanna make your move?”
“Now. I want them outside.”
Dark clouds roll over above us and it’s like Slade’s anger is blanketing us. The lot is covered in motorcycles, and it hits me that Slade, Dex, and Shane’s, are never going to ride in or out of the gate again. I've never been one to give much thought aboutwhat happens after death, but occasionally I like to think when we’re gone, our soul remains. I suppose it makes it feel better about dying.
I stop in the bar doorway and Harper was right, most brothers are acting like it’s any other normal day. I put my fingers to my mouth, and I pierce the air with an ear-piercing whistle. Conversations drop to low mutterings.
“I need everyone wearing the patch outside, now!” I step to the side as brothers file out, all but my dad. Mom sits at his side, but I already know he hasn’t been talking to her. He hasn’t said much since Slade lost his life.
“It’s okay, Mom, I'll talk to him.”
