“She’s in your old room. Poor child was fighting for her life to stay awake when she got here.”
“Where’s Pops?”
“In his mancave. I’m sure he got the notification that you were here, expecting you to go down there.”
“I will. I’m about to check on Celeste and I’ll go down there.”
Kicking my boots off, I unzipped my coat and took the stairs two at a time. I heard her light snores the closer I got to my old bedroom since the door was cracked. She looked to be getting the best sleep she’d had in a while. Her arms and legs were spread in each direction and she didn’t have a bonnet on her head. I left the room and checked the stash I knew my mother kept under the bathroom sink. Bonnets and silk scarfs were staples in the lives of Black women, so I knew there’d be a spare for Celeste. I’d been laying with her for months and there had never been a night when she didn’t cover her hair. Even if it was in a simple ponytail, it was covered.
When I got back to the room, I tried my best to put the bonnet on without waking her. I knew I’d failed when her eyes popped open and she zoned in on me.
“Shane, why are you playing in my hair?”
“I’m not, baby. I was trying to put this tight ass bonnet on you.”
Wrapping her arms around me, she smiled and leaned forward to kiss me.
“How you feelin’, love? How has your day been?”
“I’m okay. Just tired. I went into the store for a few hours, did inventory and left. Jade and the new manager had everything covered, so I took the rest of the day off. I was tired as hell anyway,” she expressed.
“You good? You sick or somethin’? My momma said you could barely keep your eyes open when you came over here.”
“I think it’s a mix of everything. I’m finally done handling all my mom’s business, but I’m back at square one with getting the original Luxe Addiction up and running.”
I nodded to let her know I understood. I was drifting deep into my thoughts when I noticed she took my hands and placed them on her stomach. My face shot up to hers and I felt my heart beating through my chest.
“You tellin’ me somethin’?”
“Yeah…you put a baby in here.”
“Are you serious? You pregnant?”
“I am. The day my mom passed, she said something about not being able to meet her grandson. I thought she was speaking in general, so I skipped over it. Honestly, I forgot she said it until I read the letter she left for me. According to her, she knew I was pregnant around Christmas. Based on the last time I had a cycle, I must’ve gotten pregnant when we went to Pleasant Springs.”
“You told me you were on birth control though.”
“I was. It slipped my mind to take it on several occasions and the thought just slowly faded. Are you mad? I promise I didn’t do this on?—”
“Celeste, don’t piss me off. I know good and well you didn’t do shit to trap me. Hell, you need to be askin’ if I trapped you. I’m happy as fuck right now. Are you keepin’ it?” I quizzed.
“I planned to. No other option crossed my mind.”
“Good. Keep that shit that way. You don’t know how good it feels to have a say in a decision like this. It’s your body, but I would love to have a little one with my soon-to-be wife,” Iadmitted. “Wait until we tell my momma. She gon’ lose her shit. When did you find out anyway?”
“I took a test a few days ago. I wanted to tell you that night, but you didn’t get in from the studio until like two in the morning. Plus I wanted to sit with my emotions for a couple of days. As far as your mom, I think she already knows. When I kept falling asleep, she told me she knew a pregnant woman when she saw one. She said I had a glow that only came when a woman was carrying. I ended up telling her I was pregnant, but let her know I hadn’t told you yet.”
“Her ass gets on my damn nerves. Every time I look up, she doin’ somethin’,” I said, half joking.
Deep down, a nigga was nervous as hell about becoming a father. I remembered all the times I’d run to my dad and wondered if I could uphold the title. I was excited as hell to be going through this with Celeste, but I was afraid of failing at such a big role. All I knew was I’d be there. I didn’t care if Celeste and I didn’t make it as a couple. Only death would keep me from being in my child’s life.
“How are you feelin’ about all of this? I know it’s a lot emotionally, but is there anything I can do to keep you from being overwhelmed?” I quizzed as I lay next to her.
“Not as of now. I want you to know I thought about reaching out to my father. I’m not sure when, but I at least want to meet him and see what he looks like. Forming a relationship with him will be determined after our initial meeting. I’m not expecting much to come from it, but I would like to know who he is. He’s been a mystery my whole life,” she said.
“Okay. I figured you’d come to that conclusion. I agree with you. I think reaching out and havin’ a conversation would be a good start. Like you said, it’ll let you know what direction to go from there. I have a feelin’ everything will work out in your favor though. The fact that he was an active father says a lot.Not to speak down on Cora or anything, but he was forced into this situation. You were a child and had no voice in the matter. You’re grown now and can speak for yourself,” I let her know.
The day of Cora’s funeral, Celeste read the letter her mother left and hadn’t been okay since. Her silence was so bad that I took it upon myself to read the content. I wasn’t doing it to invade their privacy, but I needed to know how to be there for my lady. I couldn’t do that if I didn’t know the cause of the problem. In my opinion, she should’ve waited a few days to open the letter. The only reason I didn’t speak on it was because I understood the need for her to feel close to her mother. I’d yet to experience losing a parent, so I was trying my best not to pass judgement on the small things I would’ve done differently.
