What in the hell am I supposed to say? How did I get here?
One minute, I’m screaming at my mom for being a close-minded tyrant, and the next, Matthew is in my room confessing his feelings.
I already have not one, but two boyfriends, and now he... what? Wants to join them? Wants me to choose him over them?
My mind’s racing. How did everything become such a mess? I glance at Matthew, his face serious and pleading, and it hits me how absurd this entire situation is. My life was complicated enough with just Jacob and Ford. Now this?
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” I shake my head, trying to make sense of the situation. My voice comes out shakier than I intend.
“The truth. I want to know if I’ve completely lost my fucking mind or if you have feelings, too.”
Feelings? I barely have time to process my own right now. I take a bite of my sandwich, chewing slowly, trying to groundmyself in the simple act of eating. “Matthew, you’ve been nothing but a fucking dick since I moved in. Now, all of a sudden, you have feelings for me after one kiss? You have to realize how insane that sounds.” I cross my arms, feeling a mix of anger and confusion. My mind replays every snide remark, every dismissive glance he’s thrown my way since we moved in. Is this real, or some twisted joke?
He closes his eyes and blows out a breath, running a hand through his hair. I swallow, the taste of turkey and mustard turning bitter in my mouth.
“I admit I judged you based on your mom. At that first dinner, you said you loved lacrosse, and I assumed you liked lacrosse guys.” He pauses, looking down at the floor. “Then you start bringing around two players, and I was jealous.”
Jealous? The word echoes in my mind. “Jealous?” I whisper, my heart rate picking up as I absentmindedly take another bite of my sandwich.
“Yes. Jealous. I saw you with them.”
“Ford said you watched.” I can feel my cheeks heat up as the memory of him telling me surfaces. The sandwich tastes like cardboard now, but I force myself to keep eating, trying to stay calm.
“Asshole,” Matthew hisses.
“He’s not an asshole,” I snap, ready to defend both my guys no matter what. I shove the last piece of my sandwich into my mouth, not even tasting it anymore.
“He saw me… watching. I was hoping he wouldn’t tell you. Makes me sound fucking creepy. Like some pervy peeping Tom.”
“Matthew, this is a lot. I-I-I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t something. I kissed you back. But I’m with Jacob and Ford. We’re committed to each other, and I won’t do anything to jeopardize that. Not to mention our parents are getting married. Now, let’s add that my mother is a bitch and is refusing to helpwith college. This is just too much.” I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of everything crashing down on me. I wipe my fingers on my bedspread and fling the crumbs to the floor. How did my life become such a tangled mess?
“Your mom is a cunt.” His bluntness makes me giggle despite myself. It’s a harsh truth, but it’s the truth, nonetheless. She’s obsessed with this prim and proper image, and I don’t know where it came from or what happened because she used to be way more relaxed.
“She wasn’t always like this. It started getting bad a few years ago. Now she’s a full-blown psycho helicopter parent, and only worried about how others perceive me. It’s exhausting.” I roll my eyes, feeling frustrated and sad.
When did my relationship with my mom become so strained? I can’t even pinpoint the exact moment everything shifted.
“Downstairs, she told my dad something about what happened at your last school. Your reputation being tainted?” Matthew’s words make my stomach roll, and I think I might be sick. He can’t mean...
She didn’t know. Doesn’t know. Does she?
Matthew can’t know about that. I haven’t even told Jacob and Ford.
“I don’t know what she’d be talking about. We moved because of the divorce and my aunt is here.”
“I’m just saying what she said. It was very strange and secretive.” He holds up his hands in surrender.
“That’s Holly for ya.” I shrug, trying to play it cool. Inside, I’m screaming. What did my mom say? How much does Matthew know?
“I hope she comes around about CSU. The coach there is interested in you, Ford, and Jacob.”
“No fucking way!” I squeal, feeling a surge of excitement. My dream could be coming true, and I can get out of this town andaway from my mom. Lacrosse has always been my escape, my passion.
“Don’t get too excited. He was interested in Murphy. I have to let him know that Murphy is a female and not a male. Not really sure what’s gonna happen when I do.”
“Oh.” My excitement deflates a little, but I try to stay hopeful. There’s always a catch, isn’t there? Nothing ever comes easy.
“There’s no rule about females on the men’s team at CSU, either. But I have to be upfront. It’s my job.”
