Taylor
I thought waiting to take a pregnancy test took patience. It turns out waiting for the right days in your cycle to come around for the necessary scans and bloods to be taken is just as bad.
A full cycle of tests later, it’s February before they have everything they need from me.
And Axel: he’s there today. Giving his sample. And for all he acts like it’s fine, no big deal, Iknowhim. And I know it isn’t easy. Nowhere near.
We’ve both been throwing ourselves into work and each other, but even the joy of sex has changed. It’s like it’s there, pressing between us in the sheets. Heavy. Unspoken.
Is it me?
Is it you?
Is it nothing?
And though he’s been incredible through it all, my constant, I can feel it stretching between us, and I wish I could hit rewind, start afresh. A relationship without the baby pressure… but we came at this backwards: baby first, us second, and I don’t know how to change that.
Maybe it’stoo lateto change that.
‘Earth to Tay-Tay! Anyone in there?’ Sadie lifts a fist like she’s about to knock on my forehead, and I swat her away.
‘Take it easy; I’m here.’
She eyes me over her coffee cup as the bustle of the café sharpens back into focus.
‘Could’ve fooled me, because I literally just told you I’m buying Theo edible undies for Valentine’s and you didn’t even blink.’
I give a reluctant laugh. ‘Not an image I need in my head before lunch.’
‘No? What about Axel in edible undies?’ She wags her brows and granted, that gets a belly laugh. ‘Finally!’ she crows. ‘The woman laughs!’
‘I’m sorry.’ I place my untouched coffee down. ‘Am I really that bad?’
‘Try Old Man Leo bad.’
I snort. ‘No one is that bad.’
Leo was our neighbour back in the first flat I ever bought. Grumpy as the day is long, a smile was an insult in his book. Though not even his sour presence could put a downer on our first real home together.
‘Oh, I don’t know. Stick a sweeping brush in your hand, fluff your hair, and you’d give him a good run for his money with that scowl.’
‘I wasn’t scowling.’
She gives me the eyebrow.
‘Okay. I was.’
I shove my coffee to the side, my stomach too knotted for caffeine, my nerves too frayed. I should’ve gone with Axel, but he didn’t want me to. Said he had it covered. And I trust that he does. But it doesn’t stop my head from straying his way. It’s why I asked Sadie out for coffee while Lottie was at school. A sisterly catch up. But a distraction too.
‘And there you go again…’ she mutters.
I blink. ‘Sorry, love.’
‘I don’t need an apology, Tay. I need to know what’s going on. Theo’s worried. I’m worried.’
‘Theo’s worried?’
She nods. ‘Seriously, you guys are being all weird. Axel’s treating you with kid gloves, and you’re being… I don’t know. Quiet. Meek.’
