A Bluetooth speaker with a sign:Connect your own device.No, thanks.
Everything tidy. Everything sterile. Everything waiting for me to prove whether I can give Taylor the life she wants.
The nurse hands me the labelled specimen pot like it ain’t nothing, and I take it like it’s a ticking bomb.
‘If you need anything, just press the button. Take your time.’
Then she steps out and shuts the door.
Silence.
And all I can think is,how much time is too much time?
Because my cock sure as hell ain’t rising to this occasion.
It’s taken me a month to get here. A month of focusing on Taylor – her scans, her tests – pretending this is all about being there for her, while deep down, I’ve dreaded this moment.
Because what if itisme?
What if my DNA’s wrecked?
What if this proves what I’ve suspected all along: that everything in me is poison, and I don’t get to be a father?
Wouldn’t that be life’s way of handing out justice?
My jaw locks till it aches.
I’ve spent years believing I’m made of damage: anger, violence, all the wrong instincts stitched together. I’m not the blueprint you use to build a life. And fuck, did I tell her that.
Maybe my body listened where she didn’t.
Maybe it’s already decided I don’t get this.
The hypocrisy ain’t lost on me; telling Taylor she can’t think her way out of fertility when I’m standing here drowning in the same.
But she doesn’t deserve to carry that weight.
Me… I’m a different story.
I drag a hand down my face, breathing hard.
Think of her. Think of the future you want. The future she thinks you’re worth.
I close my eyes.
And then, through the noise, her voice slips in, soft and certain, from that night on the beach all those months ago:
If I could choose any man in this world… it would always be you.
My lungs loosen as I breathe her in: Her love. Her laugh. Her warmth. The way she looks at me like I’m something worth saving. Like she’s never once doubted the man I’m trying to be for her.
I pull out my phone with unsteady fingers and tap the screen.
Her picture fills it: the one where she’s lying on my bed, wrapped in my duvet, looking at me like she sees every good thing I’ve ever tried to hide.
She’s the reason you’re here. She pulls you out of the dark every damn time. Do this for her. Do it for you. Do it for the life you want together.
I sink into the chair, the room fading until it’s just her image glowing back at me – and the thrum in my blood pulling me exactly where I need to go…
