Damn. Mike hadn’t considered the time, knowing Jack was three hours behind. “I’m sorry. Are you in bed?” It had to be eleven at night in Seattle.
Jack chuckled. “Relax, babe, I was just getting ready to call it a night.”
Mike caught the sound of a whistling kettle in the background. Ah, Jack’s habit of drinking tea before bed. It was nice to know some things hadn’t changed.
“What can I do for you? Have you had any more thoughts about my idea?”
“Jack, am I selfish?” Mike blurted out.
Silence. “You okay, Mike?”
Mike sighed. “No. No, I amnotokay. It’s been brought to my attention that I am a thoughtless, selfish prick. And you know what? It’s true.”
“Whoa there.” Jack’s voice was soft. “Okay, you’d better start at the beginning.”
Mike took a deep breath and let it all pour out of him: the porn shoot, Tommy’s unhappiness, Kevin’s summations, Mike’s own realizations…. “And he was right, Jack. Here I was, blaming all my exes for my own inadequacies.”
“Hey, speaking as one of those exes, I think you’re being a little hard on yourself.”
“You think?”
Jack’s wry chuckle lifted him. “Babe, you may be selfish at times, but that doesn’t make you a bad guy, all right? Hell, we’re all selfish at times. What matters in this instance is that now you can see where you went wrong in the past. But I’m digressing. Right now you have a much bigger question to ask yourself.”
“Go on.” Mike held the phone to his ear and rolled onto his side, the sheets cool against his bare skin.
“Do you love Tommy enough to quit porn for him?”
And there it was, the heart of the matter. Mike lay there, the question rolling around inside his head.
“You wanna know what I think?” Jack continued.
Mike laughed. “Since when has anything held you back from giving your opinion,ever?”
“Fuck you,” Jack said good-naturedly. “Okay, for what it’s worth, here’s my take on it. Tommy hasn’t told you what to do, has he? He hasn’t come out and demanded that you quit porn.He hasn’t laid a guilt trip on you, but hehaslet you know, without words, what he needs.”
“All of that is true.”
There was a pause. “That boy is a keeper, Mike.”
Mike laughed. “Tell me something I don’t know. I think I’ve already worked that one out for myself.”
“Then there’s your answer. If you don’t want to lose him, then you do what you have to, to make sure you keep him in your life. And if that means giving up your porn career, then that’s what you do.” Jack laughed. “See? That was easy.”
“The easy part is coming to that conclusion,” Mike said quietly. “The hard part is actually doing it.”
“Ah, that’s not hard, not if you love him enough. And here we are, right back at my million dollar question.” He chuckled. “Besides, it’s not like you’d starve, right? You’ve always been smart, saving money, investing it, for a day just like this. You still have your job at Woofs, don’t you? With all your bartending experience, you’re never gonna be short of work.” Jack paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was lower. “You don’t know how lucky you are, babe, having that to fall back on. And if you don’t believe that, just look at me. Why d’you think I had to do a one-eighty on bareback, huh? Because I didn’t have experience like yours.”
Mike fell silent. Jack had a point.
“Apart from the more practical side of giving up porn, there’s something else you need to think about. You’ve had a wonderful career as Scott Masters. You know that, right? I mean, we’re talking the Golden Tale of porn careers here.”
Mike laughed, but he knew Jack was right. To have survived—no, more than that, he’dflourished—in such a fickle industry for as long as he had was something of a miracle.
“But let’s face it, Mike. You don’t feel at home in porn like you once did, do ya? And I remember our conversations, back whenwe were really hot, where we agreed to retire before our laurels started to wilt?” Jack snickered, and Mike joined him. “Well, it seems to me this is as good a point as any to bid farewell to the world of porn. Go out while you’re still popular, while guys are still checking out every scene you release.” He fell silent for a moment, and Mike heard the sound of water pouring into a cup. “Well, was I any help?”
“Yeah, you were,” Mike conceded. Talking with Jack always helped him to focus. “I guess all that’s left is to make a decision.”
“Babe, you’ve already made it. So take my advice, get some sleep, and think about how you’re gonna word your resignation letter.” He chuckled once more. “Just how many studios will you be sending it to, anyway? I lose track of what the great Scott Masters is up to these days.” A pause. “Aw, who am I kidding? I still follow you, babe. I love you, always will.”
