“Like hell I will. You’ve hardly said a word all night.” Kevin grabbed the cloth from Mike’s hand. “Okay,nowtalk to me.” He stood his ground,
“Back. Off,” Mike growled. He’d had half a mind to call in sick. The thought of trying to be sociable with the customers just made him feel nauseous. The worst thing was, he couldn’t figure out what he’d done wrong. All he knew was Tommy was hurting, and it seemed to be his fault. At least the shift was over and he could go home, lock the door, and have a really good stiff drink. It wouldn’t alleviate the pain he was feeling, but it sure would dull the edges.
Kevin regarded him for a moment and then walked away. Mike’s relief was short-lived. He returned a minute later and placed a glass in front of him, filled with about two fingers of bourbon. “I think you need this.”
Mike gazed at the glass and then sighed. “You’re not gonna give up, are you?”
Kevin heaved himself onto the stool next to Mike and gave him a sweet smile. “Not a chance. Now start talking.” He leaned forward to where Patrick was crouched behind the bar, shifting stuff. “You okay for a minute, Patrick, while I talk with Mikey?”
“I got this,” Patrick called back. “See if you can find out who stuck a burr up his ass while you’re at it.”
“Iamhere, y’know. Icanhear ya.” Mike picked up the bourbon and took a long drink, relishing the burn as it hit his throat. He closed his eyes and let the fiery liquid warm him.
“What happened?” Kevin’s voice was softer.
Mike rested his arms on the bar and sagged. “I thought I’d found the answer, Kev.” He recounted how he’d taken Tommy to the shoot. He’d had such a good feeling about that, only to have it all go to hell when Tommy had asked to be driven home. “He looked so goddamn miserable when I dropped him off this morning.” He took another drink of bourbon.
The silence that followed was unnerving.
Mike glanced over at Kevin, who was staring at him, arms folded. “What?”
“You’re kidding, right?” Kevin quirked his eyebrows. “You gotta know why Tommy’s miserable, because it’s as plain to me as the fuckin’ nose on your face. I can totally see where he’s coming from.”
Mike stared at him. “You can?”
Kevin nodded. “He doesn’t like you doing porn.”
“Then why didn’t he say so?” Mike demanded.
“Maybe ’cause he was hoping you’d work it out for yourself, you dumbass!” Kevin shook his head. “You haven’t had a boyfriendyetwho was happy about you doing porn. Why should Tommy be any different? And yeah, I can understand his attitude. If you were my guy? I would be on your case day and night, trying to get you to quit.”
“You’ve never said a word about my career.” Mike’s head was spinning.
“Mikey, when you’re on that screen, working that body? You’re some guy’s sexual fantasy. I just know that if you were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing there were all these men out there lusting after that gorgeous bod. Patrick’s been there, so’s Don. They’ve both dabbled in porn, nothing like you, of course. Yeah, so we know there are some guys who get off on the idea of dating a porn star, but when you’re trying to find a partner, someone to go the distance….” He shook his head. “Yeah, good luck with that. You don’t know how lucky you are.”
“What do you mean?”
Kevin stared at him. “Tommy, that’s why. He hasn’t walked away from you. He’s giving you a chance to make the right decision.” He smiled. “Let’s face it, Mike. You’ve been making ‘I’m-thinking-of-quitting’ noises for a while now. Maybe this is the push you need.”
A heavy feeling settled in Mike’s stomach.Quit porn?He’d always hated change, preferring to keep things as they were.But is that sufficient reason to keep the status quo?Especially if there was a chance that he’d lose Tommy in the process?
“Go home, Mike, and think about it.” Kevin chuckled. “I just got déjà vu, ’cause I swear I’ve said this once already this week. But I remember something else I said too. I told you your porn career didn’t matter, but that Tommy did. That ain’t changed.” Kevin got up off his stool. “So go home and think about that farm boy who loves ya.” He grabbed Mike in a tight hug.
Mike patted Kevin on the back. “Okay, okay, I got the message.”
Patrick came from behind the bar and handed him his jacket.
“Thanks, guys. I’ll see you this afternoon.” He walked slowly around the bar to the door.
“I mean it, Mike,” Kevin called out to him as he crossed the threshold into the street. “Think about it.”
Mike intended to think long and hard. Because right then he felt like a horse’s ass for not seeing what was so clear to his friends and colleagues.Talk about blinders…. How could I have missed this?Kevin had Tommy pegged. His lover wouldn’t be so selfish as to push his desires ahead of Mike’s. Mike, on the other hand….
He got into the truck and sat there, staring through the windshield.What a fucking selfish bastard I am. All his life, he’d focused on what he wanted out of life, what he could get for himself: the house, the vacations…. Okay, so it was good to have that kind of focus, but now that he looked back? Damn, it felt like he’d made an art of it.Did I ever consider how others felt?For the first time he looked back on his previous disastrous relationships with new eyes. Maybe it wasn’t just the porn that had driven them away. Maybe it was just… Mike.
And if that was the case, then it was Mike who needed to change. Because losing Tommy was not an option.
“Wow, two phone calls in as many days. I’m honored.” Jack yawned. “Have you just finished work?”
